Jaguar XJ

Jaguar XJ's have been in familiar guises for around several millenia, the only major thing changing on them being the shades of beige available on the seats. A few years ago, things started to get despirate. Jaguar was sent reeling from game changing designs like the E65 BMW 7-series, and the Mercedes S-class made the Jag XJ look like a Mahogany wardrobe on wheels, which is what it was. Then a savior-like figure started to make an impact on Jaguar, the name of that man was Ian Callum.

In 2006, he set the foundations for a whole new design bearing for Jaguars with the new XK, but wasn't until 2008 when the XF was released that one could really imagine what the next XJ would be like. The XF broke away from the incessant pandering to foreign markets who believed that a Jaguar should look good outside a country mansion; on the contrary, an XFR would positively disturb the old fashioned chic of a Devon Country House. The chrome air intakes alone would scare away foxes and other such cannon fodder for landed gentry.

This doesn't mean however that Mr Callum stuck the XF blueprints in the photocoppier and set it to 125% enlarge to design the new XJ. Oh no no, not at all... we need to look at the C-FX from 2007 to see where his inspiration has come from. When the XF came out, people were very angry (and rightly so) that it sported a sort of inflated, out of proportion representation of the C-FX's headlights. Thankfully the XJ has rectified it, sporting a focused front end that finally, and mercifully, does away with the dual lights of old.

For some reason, unknown to me, manufacturers have started to put large, prominent grilles on their flagship vehicle. Most recent evidence of this is the new BMW 7-series that has abnormally large kidney grilles standing proud of the headlights. Jaguar have seemed to adopt this same effect, which at some angles, namely at a 3/4 front view, make it look a little bloated. In fact, this car is somewhat of a phallic symbol; the size of V8s don't matter now, it's all about how big it's grille is.

The back of the car is more disappointing, not displaying the sort of taut rear end I was hoping for (rawr). Instead, the XF seems to have a curvy version of the Lancia Thesis' backside, which, unfortunately, doesn't gel with the front of the car. Little could be said of the side profile either, though the window frames give the car a much more organic look compared to a Germanic creation.

Aforementioned foibles quickly vaporise the moment one looks at the interior. Never, ever have I seen such a welcoming interior, with a peerless design. The closest thing I can get to describing it is that of a Riva yacht, mixed with a Sunseeker, it is that different. There is

an arc that curves from the door sills along the dashboard, which smacks of a V8

powerboat, not a car. It is of course conditional; the colour options are critical to getting the interior to look its best: the leather needs to be Parchment Semi Aniline with an upper fascia that is Bordeaux tipped with embossing, the headliner being Parchment as well. Match that with satin Zebrano, and quite possibly the most exquisite interior is made. Manly LEDs light up the instruments and various switchgear that act as expensive trinketry, all of which carefully skirt around the brash or uncouth side of the design spectrum.

This is a monumental leap forward for the Jaguar XJ, with a design that slots neatly into the 21st century, instead of sitting awkwardly like the old one. There are a few things to remember though: always approach the car head on, that's where it looks the best. Don't buy it in green, or there is a chance the justice police will convict you of crimes against design. Thirdly, only get the interior in the aforementioned colour scheme. Oh, and get the supercharged V8.

Roman

The Art of British

I am here to address with you today ladies and gentlemen a question that has been lingering with me for some time.. why the British car industry hasn't got its act together? This of course calls for a few paragraphs of sentimental gazing into the past that was a proud and well oiled British car industry.

Let's choose some highlights, I don't like the whole timeline thing... ehrr, the Rolls Royce Corniche. Quiet possibly the only convertible I would be happy to step into. This car first engrained its authority into my head when I watched Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, with Michael Caine pootling about in it in the South of France.

I recently saw a Bentley Mulliner Flying Spur, and it ferociously dragged my eyes over its panel beaten rear arches, leading in a smooth but strong crease to the front of the car. No other car in this modern age can do that. I can get excited when I see a Lamborghini Gallardo for example; but that's because one sees the sharp angular edges that define the air scoops, and the outlandish angles and surfaces. I know that it's a Lamborghini, and therefore know that it is good. What happened with the Bentley was different, it drew my eyes towards it. I did not know what it was, but I knew it was special. This is a car that does not get motor heads drooling over it, this is a car which the ladies of the Cote d'Azur swoon over. No modern car can do that, not even the latest Bentleys, which have lost their way, being the preserve of the football stars.

I have now come to the inevitable, the impossible black whole that sucks any article even remotely mentioning historic British cars into it. This dark void in space is of course the E-Type effect. Impossibly cool, retro in a non-cliched way, the Jaguar E-Type could never hit 150 mph, it probably leaves trails of carbon dioxide that would make a 4X4 look green, but my God, parked next to a shop window, seated in its armchairs, you will never have a cooler reflection. When you first see one, the first thing you'll notice is how small it is. You'll then realise just how special a car it is. The spoked wheels, the contoured bodywork with chrome detailing that is effective but not in your face, all make this a design ikon. It has been years before jaguar have managed to get that panache back into its models. It is of course the latest Jaguar XKR that has restored the link  between power and these Isles. Of course, that's not without a little help from Tata.

In fact, JLR as it is now known is owned not by Ford, but by the Indian Megabusiness. And here is the key to why Jaguar are starting to build world class cars again. Yes, our car industry needs backing by foreign companies, but it needs to be companies that are willing to act like a rich Father spoiling their children. Ford tried to impose its ideals onto Jaguar with disasterous effect. Take the X-Type for example. A horrible car for people who think Jaguar should be kept perpetually in the 1960s.

The only car companies that have managed to go it alone successfully are Caterham, Morgan and Lotus. These are companies with probably some of the best engineers in the world, and all they need is a caring adopter to sky rocket them into Ferrari territory.

Roman