Confessions of a Petrolhead

I feel it is time to share my reasons for why cars fill up most of my waking thoughts, as it is through one's own experiences and their environment that shapes the feelings and responses they get when they hear a yellow Ferrari 360 making it's unmistakeable baarp as it blips down a gear, before squatting close to its Pirellis and notch into hyperspeed. Personally, I make the noise a teenage girl makes after seeing Zac Efron pass them by on the street.

One of the earliest things I can remember as a young boy was being given a model of a Ferrari. I can't remember what model it was, probably an F40; but it had that Rosso Corsa paint job that links any ferrari I see now adorned in such a colour to a deep sentimentality enforced by my playing with this small toy car. Then I had a tiny green model of a Ferrari 308 GTB which I used to drift around obstacles on the carpet of my room, and for many years I wondered what the bumps at the front of the car were for. I now know they're lights big enough to light up the whole of the Monte Carlo rally.

I have always been able to draw well, and so instead of playing football, I'd pull out my The ultimate history of fast cars book and I would draw, and draw and draw. It was then that I realised what I would have to be when I was older, a car designer. Unfortunately, this was when the 'tuner' bug bit me (this is a condition that affects the majority of petrolheads, unfortunately, it hits most people when they are around 17 and so vandalise what terrible cars they have got with dodgy body kits, badly attached mesh, and poorly tuned exhausts. Fortunately this hit me when I was about 12, so I have had enough time to get over it). I used to be a frequent buyer of tuning magazines, and would dream of taking a standard mondeo, and dressing it up to look like the ST24. Oh happy days...

And then came Gran Turismo and consequently my deep love for Nissan Skylines. I have had a few interesting rides in cars (note: not drives), I have been in a TVR Carbera 4.2, which was a particularly brutal experience, with an engine so rooted to that of a race car's that it could charge to 60 mph in 3.9 seconds. Then there's the Nissan 350Z that was tuned to 500 bhp, and I happened to experience it on a wet track in a drifting challenge. And how could one not mention the Audi RS6...

So, that's why I love cars so much.

Roman

Geneva

It's that time of year again. Men are stumbling about looking rather dazed, they seem a little slow when you speak to them, and they all tend to start talking to themselves if they aren't in someone's company. It's called Shocked-at-unveiling-of-many-sexy-new-cars-at-Geneva-Motorshow-syndrome. I unfortunately have been suffering from this disease for the past week, I even got annoyed and started shouting at a picture of a model that was spoiling the view of the new Lamborghini Murcielago SV. Such is the volatile effect that this motorshow has on poor innocent men throughout the world.

So what are the salient points of the motor show? I hear you ask. Well, let's start with the aforementioned Lambo. This is essentially a beefed up, track ready version of the already track ready LP 640. Is it fast? Well, that's a stupid question. The car is the very definition of the word, which can also be defined by the Ferrari 599xx. I've got to feel sorry for the car though; the pathetic name can't truly muster up the sort of presence the car has. Ferrari has gone about improving the car in an altogether different way to that of Lamborghini though. In the Murcielago, the new bodykit has been tailor made to make the car look more like the Reventon, with abrupt angles and a huge spoiler. Ferrari on the other hand have used a more technical approach, using their racing knowledge to manufacture a car that is less style, but has substance poured all over it.

We now move onto the more luxurious, velvet clad side of the motorshow. That is to say, Aston Martin. Now, I could have a cold, but I think the reason I'm all hot and cold is because of what Aston has done to my senses. Y'see, we all knew that they were going to release the new One-77 out into the wild, and yes, when the fricking cover that had stayed half draped over it for the past couple of motorshows was finally removed, the car was a lot prettier than I had expected. £1 million pretty, No. But the real reason why I have been getting these shivers is because Aston have broken the golden rule of performance car makers. They've gone and made a 4X4; though, if you say to one of their marketing team that it's nothing more than a glorified Range Rover, they'd probably deck you.

So, I've talked about some of the highlights; it's now time time to look at the car who should be kept in the shadows. Let's start with a car that shows as much styling flair and finesse as Noel Edmonds; it is of course the Skoda Yeti. I'm finding it hard to decide which part of the car I should criticise most. Let's start with... oh I don't know? The name. What idiot in the boardroom splurted this drivel out, and what idiots all thought it was a good idea. Now, in general, I am a secret fan of Skodas. I like the fact that you can buy an Octavia vRS for several grand less than a Golf GTI, but Skoda have started to worry me with their new design direction. Which is basically getting a Skoda, and then tacking a great big moustache to the front of it. The rest of the car is devoid of character; even Ford had a go at making its soft-roader stylish with the Kuga.

Sigh, rant over. Bring on Geneva 2010.

Roman