First Gear

What happened to Quinn Direct?

2010-04-06T08:30:00.000-07:00

Insurance companies are the sworn enemies of young drivers. The truth is no-one trusts us youthful, inexperienced motorists on the road, so when it comes to insurance the only cover available is in the thousands for even the smallest vehicles. The slim chances of finding a quote from the price comparison websites with their catchy irritating jingles and Eastern European accented rodents narrow down the millions of well known insurance companies to a handful of insurance nobodies since the majority of companies wouldn't touch a 17 year old driver with a barge pole. When it came to insuring my 0.9 Cinquecento, Quinn Direct provided the cheapest quote on the market or should I say meerkat? Quinn Direct are an Irish based insurance company who were known for taking the risk of insuring young drivers, after all money is money, and if they didn't insure young drivers who would?

With the recent news that Quinn Direct have gone into joint provisional administration it has left me wondering was it their accident causing claim making younger customers which brought them down or were there other reasons? After reading many mixed reviews from current and former customers it seems Quinn Direct have had problems with customer service in the past, by making wrong changes to customers' policies and putting off customers by charging excessive amounts after obtaining a full driving licence. I have personally experienced this by being charged an extra 50% of my original policy when passing, however I'm not complaining because it was the cheapest I could find. Many customers who didn't wish to continue their policies seem to have problems with receiving their refunds and have left angry reviews about their communication systems. The news this afternoon of workers in Ireland protesting against potential job losses is sort of ironic because unlike most other insurance companies who outsource their call centres to big cities in the far east like Delhi, Sean Quinn kept his company local thus providing his Irish workers a job. On the other hand, the way the company has been run has been criticised by customers for its poor organisation in some cases, which may lead you to think had the company been set up elsewhere it would still be afloat rolling in the cash from those young desperate drivers.

The current status of administration means Quinn won't be renewing any insurance policies any time soon but a letter from the administrators assures current policies will be unaffected by the administration status. With Quinn Direct finished who is going to insure all the young drivers? Companies like i-Kube use Big Brother style GPS surveillance boxes which track your every movement imposing a driving curfew on young drivers between 11pm and 5am which sounds good in practise but taking away the freedom of driving seems a bit much. These systems might be adopted by major insurers in the future with the potential to also log and report breaking of the speed limits. It'll certainly stop the boy racers from driving around the block at night and help reduce speeding but if young people have to watched every second of the day in order to be trusted on the road why issue driving licences? In an ideal world people should learn to drive in all situations on various types of roads, but the lessons would be very expensive and we don't like spending any money whatsoever. So until then, we'll have to stick to the current format of paying through the nose for insurance instead of driving safe in the knowledge that the car in front or behind you is not some dangerous accident causing Chav.

Sources: http://www.quinn-direct.com/documents/joint_provisional_administrators_statement_uk_ni_policyholders.pdf

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/northern_ireland/8604293.stm

https://www.moneysupermarket.com/motor/reviews/provider-reviews.aspx?providergroupingid=81&providername=quinn-direct&addreview=&Page=6

Chinese plans to build new Morris Marina with ultra-strong roof

2010-03-31T16:49:00.000-07:00

A leaked sketch from a business plan by a Chinese product design entrepreneur who aims to build reinforced vehicle roofs from carbon composite materials uses Top Gear as inspiration and hints at a new Morris Marina. The entrepreneur who's name translates as "Glorious Mountain Blossom" in English has taken a rethink to car design by "creating a futuristic approach to the structural components of the roof layout in order to prevent serious injuries in the event of the most major accidents". In an interview with Chinese press yesterday he talked of his inspiration from the piano dropping antics of BBC's Top Gear program"Seeing the act of dropping a Piano on that classic car inspired me to approach car manufacturers to use my carbon composite roof designs on future vehicles of a similar size and style. The family car market is very important to modern Chinese people, and a family car which is strong and reliable will be essential to the drivers of the future." We think he's lost the plot, as from our recollection, (well the internet's in fact) the Morris Marina was neither strong, reliable or popular.

From what we have understood, it looks like Glorious Mountain Blossom plans to start production with a partnership with a major Chinese car manufacturer to fit his ultra-strong roof on his Morris Marina styled "vehicle of tomorrow" in the next few year. He said "I hope China to be a world leader in vehicle roof safety by 2015". The major Chinese car manufacturer has yet to come forward with detailed designs of the new Marina but the vague sketch shows some similarities to the British Leyland classic.

Croma: The unwanted Fiat

2010-03-22T09:29:00.000-07:00

Many of you will be unfamiliar with Fiat Cromas since they are scarce on British soil. The Croma is quintessentially a Vauxhall Vectra/Saab 93 underneath which is why many smart British people decided to forget about the Fiat badge and buy themselves Vauxhall Vectras. Obviously that isn't the main reason why the Croma didn't sell very well when it was launched way back in 2005, someone at Fiat came up with the bright and pointless idea of making a car that's as spacious as an MPV with the boot space of an estate and a sort of family hatchback looks. This was all very well and good in theory but the finished product obviously didn't appeal to any of the target markets, which ended up with a sort of mongrel car. So why have I made my dad spend money on one?

The Croma has a very specific niche: it only truly appeals to the needs of families consisting of leg room needy teenagers. Obviously there were other reasons why I persuaded my dad to choose this specific model mainly because of the panoramic sunroof which makes playing I-spy on a journey a lot more interesting. Other added benefits include; a dual zone climate control which in theory, could make a mini tornado when the front air vents are on cold and the back ones on hot, parking sensors which provide a more scientific alternative to the traditional 'Back.....back.....back........back...BANG..oops!' reversing technique, but more importantly its 1.9 JTD Multijet diesel engine matches, if not beats our petrol Alfa Romeo 156 due to 150 break horse power, six gears and being pretty efficient at the same time: up to 57.6 mpg in fact - perfect for driving to Italy in the summer.

Obviously there were alternative family cars out there, but there wasn't much sub £6k with less than 30,000 miles on the clock which really suited our needs . There were times when my dad wanted a proper 7 seater MPV but the prospects being driven about in a van filled with seats didn't appeal to me. Since my dad is Italian, it is only natural for him to stick to all Italian car brands, which is the reason why we currently have a half fixed (or half broken it depends whether you are a pessimist) Fiat 500L, a Cinquecento, an Alfa Romeo 156 and a Fiat Tempra. Unfortunately, the Alfa may have to go when petrol prices hit £30000000 per litre after the budget and the Tempra is on is on its last legs after doing more than 200,000-ish miles (I'm not sure after the digital speedo reset back to zero after 200,000km) and serving us for more than twelve years. This begs the question will our new practical family car last more than 12 years and beat it's predecessor, the trusty Fiat Tempra? Only time will tell.

The few bad points: It's not the most visually pleasing of cars, despite being designed by Giorgetto Giugiaro; designer of many a fine Alfa Romeo, the rear bumper and wheel arches seemed to have been designed on one of his off days, it's all a bit bulgy. Some might say that this is all for the excellent five star EuroNCAP rating for adult occupants, although it isn't so good for pedestrians - a meagre one star. The paintwork is a peculiar colour, technically it is called metallic ivory which translates as a blend of silver, gold and cream or commonly known as beige. Obviously in an ideal world, most cars would be Ferrari Rosso Red or Giallo Fly but unfortunately second hand cars don't come with custom paint jobs.

Things to watch out for: many a Croma were used as rep mobiles driven to their limits, things like suspension and brakes seem to wear quite easily. Thankfully ours came from a Fiat dealer so they replaced everything before handing over the keys plus threw in one year's free warranty and one weeks free insurance. According to my parents, the service in the dealership was excellent, the salesmen was very helpful and they knocked off quite a bit from the asking price, this came as a great surprise to me as we are normally used to our local dealership asking for extortionate amounts for used cars with the added bonus of mind-numbingly boring salespeople who know more about financial packages and profit margins than the cars they sell.

As a family car I'd rate it 8/10 it's great, but not ideal for everyone, it doesn't have the looks of an Alfa Romeo 159 Stationwagon, nor does it have the practicality of the - Ford Mondeo. So until they make an Alfa Romeo which is a spacious as the Ford Mondeo and cheap enough for us to afford, we'll keep the Croma.

An outing with the Cinq

2010-03-17T12:43:00.000-07:00

Well, I have finally managed to experience Franco's driving, first hand. Which means that I can not only review his car (the Fiat Cinquecento), but also his *ahem* skill as a driver. I'll warm up by starting with the car...

Walking along the school road, I had trouble spotting the vehicle, due to its miniscule stature. Having found it, the first thing that hit me was the question: How am I going to get in it?

Quite easily actually, with the interior being spacious with generous views out of the windows. This is due to a certain emptiness in the cabin; hell, there isn't even a proper dashboard! This is good though, as in a case of an accident, you travel through more air before hitting the windscreen. This safety feature should be standard in all cars.

Not that this car will be having any accidents, for its pilot, Franco, takes driving very seriously. Having put on his driving glasses (which, by the way Franco, exude Italian Flair), we pull out onto the road. The feeling is odd to say the least. Panoramic vision means that it feels more like a convertible than a tiny hatchback. Furthermore, the ride is actually quite good.

When Franco finally decides to slow down for the speed bump, the little Cinq copes admirably, not bottoming out or complaining at all (unlike some of our peers' cars). Out onto more open road, Franco lets rip on the accelerator, because, well, he has to. With a 0.9 litre engine doing the legwork, thrashing the life out of the thing is a prerequisite. Saying that, it picked up quickly, and never seemed lethargic around town.

A couple of minutes into the ride, I spot something not quite right about the Cinq. Now, we all know that speedometers are not very accurate, but this car is something else. The needle never really makes its mind up about what speed we are travelling at, so it jitters up and down within a range of about 5mph compared to our actual speed. Naturally, this caused me to have many a Lulz.

Anyway, by now, we're on the dual carriage way, and well, it's fine. I don't feel any sluggish performance at all, but I did have a sneaking suspicion that Franco had his right foot firmly plastered to those new car mats of his. This doesn't mean we broke the speed limit, far from it in fact.

What was bothering the car a little bit was the wind. The car having the "aerodynamics of a brick" (your words, not mine Franco), means that on open parts of road, a strong gust requires paying careful attention to the steering. Thankfully, we survive the dual carriage way and it's back to school. Doing this involves going over a particularly tight roundabout that feeds traffic back into the town. The tightness of the exit path highlighted one of the Cinq's weaknesses: cornering, or, more specifically, how its suspension copes with lateral g-forces. Which is to say, not very well. I honestly thought the car was going to tip, and I said certain things that alluded to my fear during this situation. Franco wasn't at all alarmed by this, having grown used to this leaning tendency, but hey! At least it soaks up those speedbumps and potholes nicely.

Now, this is a small car. Very small in fact, but even small cars now have power steering, except, well, this car. Parallel parking it seemed to demand a huge effort from Franco to quickly turn the steering wheel (just try to see it this way Franco, at least you'll have the arms of a body builder after a couple of years). I recall struggling to snap the wheel from one full lock to another on a power steering vehicle, so my hat goes off to Franco for managing to park the Cinq in the short time he did.

A few more things I should mention about Franco's ride: I'm pretty sure it used to be red, which, after many, many, many, many years of weather-related abuse, has made it slightly faded. I view this as a unique differentiator from other cars; it even has an interesting pattern on the bonnet. No doubt one day, Franco will allow me to paint a Fresco on the outside of it.

Franco has also told me that he has to accelerate when he starts the car up, to allow for the valves to adjust. This is very much a car that has to be driven by someone who knows what they're doing, and doesn't mind the odd little quirk, like a petrol cap that doesn't really do its job. In all fairness though, all my comments have to be put into perspective by looking at how much Franco paid for the Cinq: £220.

Ok, you can pick your jaw up from the floor now. Yep, he has a fully functioning car for the price of an iPod (or, oh I don't know... a Puss3?). Granted, it originally had a handbrake that was operating at 7% of its capacity, which had to be fixed, but still, what a bargain! Plus, he's managed to get insurance for about £1000, which for a bloke is a miracle.

Fiat Cinquecento - 9/10 A cheap runabout that just gets on with the job.

Franco - 10/10 For putting up with the Cinq's quirks, and that awful non-power steering.

How clean is your car?

2010-03-15T10:20:00.000-07:00

Cleaning is the last thing that comes to mind when driving, car washing is a ritual most sensible drivers partake in when the weather is good or when visibility becomes severely hindered by muck. Governmental scientific environmentalist findings prove that washing your car makes it more aerodynamic which therefore gives you better fuel economy. Our findings also prove that washing off the remnants from your last drive through a peat bog prevents your car from looking like a giant turd on wheels. Of course many people do not have the time nor the effort to clean their cars and therefore pay others usually Bulgarian people or a giant robotic brush to do the duty for them. Interiors are the often the forgotten factor after the car wash, the yearly build up of surplus parking tickets, tissues covered in oil and other unknown fluids, chewing gum wrappers enclosing old bits of gum, uneaten extra extra extra extra strong mints that were too strong for your liking, the surplus cans of de-icer and the remnants from your last drive-thru gourmet meal at McDonald's eventually makes a wheelie bin seem a nice place to sit in than a Dagenham dustbin (in the literal sense).

I decided/was forced to hoover and clean my interior for the first time since last June, the 15 year old car mats were terribly worn and on removal I'd found giant muddy stains and rips in the carpet. The practical solution would be to wash such stains away but that would involve the use of carpet cleaner or paying someone £16 to valet the interior, so with a bit of effortless thought I disposed of the worn mats and bought some cheap replacement mats from my local pound shop for £6 saving me a lot of money. Some of you may point out that having non original car mats means they won't fit perfectly - which is true, on the other hand them being slightly bigger means more stains and ripped carpet can be hidden. Also on the plus side the new mats also sort of match the Cinquecento's red-ish paintwork. It's amazing what a difference a few quid makes. In true Cilit Bang advert style, feel free to admire some before and after photos:

Can't afford an SLS.....there's an app for that

2010-02-04T11:43:00.001-08:00

Mercedes have launched a free app which lets you do a "loop the loop" (which is the correct technical term) just like in the advert which used to star an old German test driver and now stars an old German F1 driver. So if you have an iPhone get the app at itunes.com/app/slsamg and if you don't we've kindly provided you with the video of the real thing:

image source: http://blog.mercedes-benz-passion.com/

Can't afford an SLR Stirling Moss?

2010-02-03T07:47:00.000-08:00

Well this is the car for you. Its called the Heynsdyk 2500 SF (pronounce it however you like). Its essentially a re-bodied Porsche 944, yes I did say 944 not 911, not boxster or cayman 944 - the twenty five year old sports car. The back slightly resembles the Merc and the front is a sort of melted Spyker. Its is one of the most inappropriate cars ever made, that aside for only €14,750 you could buy your clapped out Porsche 944 a new skin or if you're the sort of person that is reading this blog from one of Holland's special cafés you could spend €36,995 on a complete car.

images: http://www.heynsdyk.com/

How to fail your driving test

2010-01-28T04:30:00.001-08:00

I have just joined the majority of 58.8% of people who took their test at my local test centre (which I shall leave anonymous for safety reasons) and failed. I personally feel the word "fail" is a bit too strong, I'd prefer not pass or slightly unsuccessful. Now many of you, including my parents and close friends, will boast about how you passed first time and how I am an inferior driver to you. Fair enough, but in my defence there are a few variables which led to my failure, or as you might call them "excuses";

1) I am not a girl, I do not have the necessary physical attributes to distract the examiner for 40 minutes.

2) Buses are the work of evil. They park terribly and pull out in front of you when you least expect them to. A bus decided to pull out in front of me and stop for passengers in the middle of the road. Now, if I was designing roads I would put bus stops in areas away from traffic islands and parked cars, thankfully I did manage to get round with great difficulty after a slight hesitation = 1 x minor fault.

3) Signalling. I was penalised for signalling too early, despite many of you experienced road users not knowing how to use indicators correctly. The place where most road users enrage me is at roundabouts, a lot of you simply assume that once you're on the roundabout there's no need to signal, its the driving equivalent of letting your dog foul on the pavement and leaving it up so others others can step in it. Road users need to foresee the direction you intend to move in otherwise they'll get really cheesed off, swear and then cause accidents. I propose new forms of traffic policing where road users get punished for not signalling or randomly stopping and turning in the most inappropriate of places. I'm not suggesting a fine or removal or driving bans, I'd like to see those who disrupt and hinder the driving experience of other road users to be forced to warn others of their imbecility by adorning their cars with purple flashing lights.

So what was my major failure? I hear you ask. Reversing around a corner sounds fairly straight forward, I had successfully completed it many a time before without problems, but when faced with an uneven curvature of the kerbside and impatient van driver, the stress and pressure may have led me to get a bit too close to the kerb, Being a careful and concious person, I corrected my mistake, twice in fact, unfortunately it led me to drift across to the area examiners call "THE LINE" a zone where type B license test sitters (or testees) are forbidden to go.

So what have I learnt from my failure experience? Not much, many of my fellow failures have called the examiners the most profane of words, but I shall refrain from doing so. I had a top bloke called Andy, he enjoyed making conversation and I found out he rides a motorbike and tests learner motorcyclists without dying in the process, which is always a benefit. He said I was excellent at going forwards, which I took as a compliment, and I left safe in the knowledge that even F1 drivers don't engage reverse gear too often, they get people to push them back into the pits.

HiFi, in a car?

2009-12-09T08:51:00.000-08:00

In the HiFi world, there are nutcases out there called audiophiles. I happen to be one of them, and until recently, we haven’t been able to experience music playback in cars at anything like the levels we expect in the comfort of our own living rooms. Car stereos have, however, been around for just about ever. In 1956, Chrysler vehicles had the option of having an LP player built into the dashboard. Then tapes came along, and with it, a new subculture of modified sound systems.

This following is going strong today, but it isn’t without its problems. Basically, the main issue is how these sound products are targeted. It’s an inescapable truth that most people who modify their mobile audio are young men, so companies target them by quoting outrageous wattage amounts and making the drive units look ridiculous. First, the wattage issue: I cannot, and will not believe that something like a 10 cm midrange driver could handle 100-200 watts; most of the time, it turns out these quotes are for peak power spikes. Normally, the average wattage of a 10cm driver would be more like 30 watts. Secondly, the components themselves: by putting ugly plastic covers over drivers, and amplifiers in garish boxes, speaker manufacturers hit their target market square on. No real effort is ever put into the sound quality, because the target market doesn’t care what it sounds like, just as long as it’s loud enough to wake up half the street.

This puts people who do want good sound quality in a bit of a mire, that is, until recently. A whole new generation of speaker systems have flooded the market, and who is leading the charge? HiFi manufacturers. These guys have taken all their values and injected their philosophy into a car environment. Ok, so there aren’t any kits you can go out and buy and install in your own car; instead, HiFi manufacturers have worked closely with car makers to tailor car interiors to get the best acoustic refinement from it.

So, what brands are doing this: Volkswagen, and it’s partnership with Dynaudio. Audi and Bang & Olufsen, who also works with Aston Martin and AMG. Jaguar and Bowers and Wilkins. Bentley and Naim, and a whole slew of other companies… and no, BOSE is not one of them *Runs away from Franco*.

A special mention has to be made for the Bang & Olufsen systems. They feature tweeters (the driver units that cover the high frequency range of the audio spectrum) that rise out of the dashboard, showing the driver unit facing up. A reflector above it then disperses the sound around the car. This makes for a more airy, natural presentation than most in car speaker systems that can be very in your face.

It is a well known fact around First Gear supporters that Franco and I have not yet passed our driving tests, so I reckon testing these sound systems are ideal for us. We don’t have to drive it, just listen to the music in a dealership. So, Ferrari? Lamborghini? Any chance of a test listen?

Roman

Who needs supercars?

2009-12-05T05:18:00.000-08:00

Motoring history books will tell you that the prestigious 200mph club is the holy grail for all car manufacturers, some of its current members include Ferrari, Lamborghini, Koenigsegg, Bugatti and Chevrolet (as in the Corvette ZR1 not the Matiz). But what if you can't afford the financial burden that comes with these prestigious marques? In the words of the talking meerkat off the telly; "Simples!" All you need is a second hand Toyota Celica GTX which you can pick up for about £5k plus a turbo running at 2.4bar; which makes the engine spin at 8100 revs per minute, causing it to churn out over 700 bhp.

Unlike your average supercar driver, the owner of this car uses it as his daily drive and races it in the Toyota races series against my mum's friend. The Celica doesn't seem to attract the usual vandalism your average Porsche driver gets, nor does it cause problems when parking. Its as practical as your everyday sports car, mainly because it is an everyday sports car. There was one other benefit that I may not have mentioned the big A for Acceleration; it does 0 to 150mph in 10 seconds and 0 to 202mph in 28 seconds. Maxing out your car normally requires miles upon miles of road to hit top speeds, the Celica hit 200mph on one mile of RAF airbase runway with a few slicks of spilt aircraft fuel to add to the excitement. So forget your wind tunnels and technology centres that make the Apache helicopter gunships and the Lamborghini Reventóns, go down to Homebase and buy yourself a shed and a second hand Celica.

Epicness powered by Mercedes-Benz

2009-11-09T08:43:00.000-08:00

The Internet has given me many great things over the past seven or so years, like email, twitter and youtube videos, but non of them will be quite as memorable as free tickets to the Powered by Mercedes Benz event at Brooklands. As most of you know, me and Roman do a lot of talking about cars and I must admit we don't have access to the Top Gear test track nor do we have full UK driving licenses yet, so any opportunity to get up close and personal with beautifully crafted machinery, some of it by hand or Hans (if we we're talking about the AMG engine in the SLS). Unfortunately Roman couldn't attend and will now regret it for the rest of his life. So for those of you, like Roman, who didn't go, I've kindly summarised the event below in the form of text and pictures, so after reading it carefully you can tell all your mates about it by simply pretending you were there.

On arrival the car park was full of cars typically owned by anoraks, there were Evo VIIIs, Imprezzas, BMWs, Audis, a brand new Focus RS, and the odd Triumph, not to forget the hundreds of die hard Mercedes fans who went all out and brought their cars along to meet their long lost relatives on the pilgrimage to British branch of Mercedes-Benzism. In true British fashion, the weather insured only the most dedicated fans turned up in cold temperatures and the grey skied prospect of rain. With the prospect of meeting the likes of Lewis Hamilton, Mika Hakkinen, David Coulthard, Ross Brawn and Heiki Kovaleinen the hundreds of zealot McLaren and BrawnGP fans had put on their traditional dress of full replica race suits combined with as many accessories from the official merchandise catalogue they could carry. One family of three had McLaren tracksuits, t-shirts, hats, flags and a small child dressed as Lewis Hamilton, which they dangled over the edge of the security barrier to get written on by famous F1 stars. Unlike the greasy haired autograph selling thugs who elbow five year olds out the way, this family lived, breathed and slept McLaren, meeting their F1 heroes left them deeply moved. Most of the public visitors were just as extreme, I even met a man who had travelled from the foreign land of Wales just to meet Ross Brawn.

After hanging in the midst of these enthusiasts for at least 20 minutes I felt as if I had been infected with some sort of F1 super fan flu, I went all weak at the knees at the sight of Mika Hakkinen, and in true journalist style, I asked him about racing with Schumacher, he replied "Fantashtic". I wasn't going to stop there, I had talked to Mika and I was determined to mingle with more F1 drivers. When Pedro De La Rosa came along I made sure I chatted to him in Español, I wished Heiki Kovaleinen good luck for next year (he'll probably get the boot from McLaren if Kimi takes his seat) and to top it off I asked F1 legend Ross Brawn about the status of his beard he chuckled "I suppose I'll have to keep it". I will take this chance to express my deepest respect for Ross Brawn, he is F1 team owning elite, his team and driver had won the F1 championship a week prior to this event and yet with sheer humility, he went out of his way to ensure as many people as possible got a photo and/or autograph with him. He was there to meet the people who played one of the most important roles in his team's victory - the fans.

Enough of the hello magazine celeb news, this is a car blog about real cars. The Mercedes Benz Museum is full of them loads of classic 300SL gullwings were proudly on display outside and inside there were many a model from road and racing past and present. Unlike their Italian rivals: Ferrari, Mercedes open their Museum to the public for FREE. The free entry aside, the spectacular event had awesome drifting, racing and doughnut displays from the world famous Silver Arrows, they're a bit like the Red Arrows except they fly AMGs that don't actually fly. I will let you into a little secret, despite knowing more about F1 that your usual ex-children's tv turned F1 presenter, I had not seen nor heard an F1 car in action prior to this, so for those of you like me who mimic the whines and roars of their pitch perfect V8 engines, I kid you not, it's a million times better than sitting at home watching it on the telly. The thunder of the burnout practise starts and the clouds of smoke generated from the wheel-spins were biblical. Thankfully I captured the moment on tape here.

The new Mercedes SLS was on full display for the crowds of petrolheads, Merc's new supercar has a 6.3 litre V8 engine that kicks out 563 brake horses. Just like it's legendary forefather the 300SL, the SLS has "gullwing" doors that open upwards, which, like a George Foreman grill, still continues to amaze most people well into the 21st century.

What I'm about to say is essentially blasphemous towards my lifelong love of all that is Ferrari however, seeing is believing, and you have to put it to Mercedes-Benz they have made some legendary motor vehicles in their 128 year history, some of which I have taken a fond liking towards. The big question is: would I choose an SLS over a Ferrari 458 Italia? Probably not, but I'd prefer it to an f430 or an Audi R8 , simply because it's doors make me stare in awe.

Motor racing started in a supermarket

2009-10-25T04:25:00.001-07:00

We all know the source of all things is the supermarket. If you ask any child where their fruit and veg comes from, they'll reply Tesco. This is very amusing, but I'm not here to have a rant about that, I'm here to talk about the vehicle used to transport your food travels from its natural habitat: the shelf, to the checkout. Pushing the trolley around the supermarket must surely be the start of every rally driver, touring car racer and most ordinary people's dreams of driving.

There are so many different forms of motorsport which could adapted to trolleys. Lets start with the simplest of them all; drag racing, I'm sure at some point you've found a perfect empty aisle taken a monumental run up, then jumped onto the wheels to experience exhilarating faster than walking speeds. More experienced trolley racers will be able to control a trolley with heavier load of shopping, simple things like turning corners and stopping become more a lot more difficult, controlling the natural oversteer is a skill mastered after numerous trips to the shops. Some of the wannabe Ken Blocks take advantage of the oversteer and drift around between the aisles narrowly missing the shelves. To make the most of this new motor-less sport, find yourself some mates, or challenge rival shoppers in true Fast and Furious style, and map out a route from the entrance to the checkout. If you want to raise the stakes, why not race for pink slips by betting on your shopping.

As with all forms of motor-less sport, trolley racing comes with its dangers; beware of the metal tins of chocolates or bottles of beer usually stacked up in a blind spot between the aisles, you could cause some serious damage to yourself. Always begin with a trolley loads you can handle; too light and you might pull some wheelies, too heavy and you'll loose control and end up in the reduced items bin. Remember there are hazards such as old people hogging the aisles, or people in coloured uniforms pushing really big trolleys at horrendously slow speeds, so be prepared to stop quite hard. Last of all you will almost certainly be on CCTV, so if you are really nice to the race marshals (or security guards as they are normally known) they might let you keep the video.

Good luck!

Beauty and the Beast

2009-08-23T13:12:00.001-07:00

These two specimens may seem to be completely different breeds of car, but they have both been bought for the same reason; to transport a family plus luggage from Milan to the south of Italy and back. Both cars have similar Fiat derived 1.9 litre turbo diesel engines for fuel economy, and large boot space for stuff. On first impressions the Multipla looks like a pregnant humpback whale, so why on earth does it remain so popular amongst Italian families?

Here's my theory; the interior has been designed like the furniture in a typical Italian family home. Italians love buying intriguing furniture which has been designed to solve problems that no-one has ever needed to solve. Lets start with the cupboards over the sink, they have racks to put plates on so you don't ever need to dry up, wardrobes which open up to reveal beds and draws that open at 45 degrees to hide your shoes. Naturally, the Multipla has none of the above, but it has 6 seats, 3 in the front and 3 in the back, they move all over the place and the back ones can be taken out if you need to convert it into an ugly minivan. The dashboard is the pièce de resistance, it is the result of a manic brainstorm of ideas all combined to form a monstrosity of utilities. It lacks technological gadgets and nice materials and it seems as if a giant plastic R2D2 toy was melted on the dash to form an all in one speedometer/coin holder/radio/fan vent/ switch button thing/gearstick/cup holder. Don't be put off by the randomness, trust me, Fiat have thought this through, take the cup holder for example, it actually holds the cup at a height relative to where most people have their arms, and the gearstick is placed a bit higher up so you don't accidentally touch the person sitting in the middle's leg. There are storage compartments near the windscreen which are perfect for storing maps, now your maps no longer have to live their lives under the front passenger seat, or in the boot or crumpled in a pouch somewhere. To prevent you from ever buying a sat nav the windscreen is angled really inconveniently so the sticky holder clip always falls off. Fiat even put the handbrake lever near the door, so when you get stopped by the Caribinieri for doing handbrake turns in the road you say; "I'm sorry I went to adjust my seat when I grabbed the handbrake, see!" Unfortunately the Multipla is not quite an Abarth 500 SS and it is a bit too wide and slow for the typical Italian near death touring car driving experience, but if you feel a bit crazy and slightly suicidal, feel free to overtake around a corner at the exact moment a lorry is approaching from the opposite direction. Its an adrenaline rush that some Italians can't live without, most people don't even take time to realise what car they're driving, it could be a Panda 4x4, a Seicento, a Stilo or even a Multipla. If you want to survive a bit longer than the Fiat drivers who pull death-defying overtaking maneuvers you need something faster than a Fiat.

That's where this 159 Stationwagon comes into play, its 1.9JTDm engine has been developed using modern technology to produce 150bhp compared to a relatively insignificant 104bhp tractor style engine in the Fiat. Truth be told the Alfa is 10 years younger than the Multipla, and Alfa Romeo engines are always more powerful than the Fiat variants, because they are Alfa Romeos with a racing heritage, they are fast, passionate, beautiful Italian cars. Power aside, the 159 Stationwagon is essentially a stretched version of the Brera - the second most beautiful Alfa ever made. The whole front of the car means business, and you can tell the car is begging for speed, its poised and ready to take whatever the road throws at it. The exterior of the car is spot on, it is the best looking estate I have ever seen, Giugario has designed the rear to give it the curves, menace and elegance of the Brera whilst preventing it from looking like those hearse shaped Volvos. Inside it reminds me all too much of the 156, its a bit cramped in the back, there's the usual chrome effect plastics and the dials are very much the same. Alfa have improved the stereo, and offer sat nav and bluetooth speakerphones, so its no longer the middle ages in terms of technology. I'm still not happy as a passenger I need more legroom in the back, although the Alcantara style seats are a must have, they give you all the aesthetic benefits of leather, but without the slippery dentist's chair experience. Unfortunately the 159 doesn't have the hidden rear door handle which provides me with many a giggle every time an Alfa 156 virgin asks "is this a coupe?" or "where is the door handle?".

Is the 159 experience better than a late face lifted 156? in terms of comfort, probably not, but if you want a good looking car that's fairly reliable buy the 159. In terms of performance you won't be able to beat the new Alfa engines, the new diesels kick out 170bhp, and there's a 1.8 turbo petrol, which delivers an astonishing 200bhp, I expect it to be amazing since the smaller 150bhp 1.4 turbo Fiat Bravo was a pocket rocket. If you have the money get the 1.8 turbo petrol engine, even if its the rubbish interior and tacky alloys, do not let Alfa push you into buying some Eco Turismo 120bhp rubbish, if you want to be Eco-friendly get a Toyota Prius, Alfa Romeos are sports cars, end of. In order for the 159 to really appeal to the Alfa enthusiasts of old and the Audi/BMW drivers, we need a GTA, preferably a V6 turbo with way over 300bhp, lets hope someone sitting in an office in Milan realises they forgot to replace the 156 GTA some time soon.

The question no one has ever needed to ask is which is better the Fiat Multipla or the Alfa 159 station wagon? I can't be the one to answer such a difficult question, but you need to way up the necessities first. If your family consists of 6 people and you want a fast car with adequate boot space, neither the Multipla nor the 159 is right for you, that leaves you with a problem. You can solve this problem buy either sending one child to an orphanage and buying the 159 SW, or get your diesel Multipla's ecu remapped to 140bhp! If however you have a family consisting of five or less people the answer is obvious, go with the looker, the 159. Whilst researching for this post I went onto various Multipla owners forums, and some insane drivers like the looks they get from pedestrians as they drive past in their Multipla. I regret to tell you that look is not in anyway similar to the stares you get from driving an Alfa Romeo, the Multipla stare can only bear resemblance to the stare people give when they see bearded ladies; its not something you see every day and its not pretty. I apologise if I have offended any bearded ladies who drive Fiat Multiplas, your life must be very difficult.

Jaguar XJ

2009-07-16T10:22:00.000-07:00

Jaguar XJ's have been in familiar guises for around several millenia, the only major thing changing on them being the shades of beige available on the seats. A few years ago, things started to get despirate. Jaguar was sent reeling from game changing designs like the E65 BMW 7-series, and the Mercedes S-class made the Jag XJ look like a Mahogany wardrobe on wheels, which is what it was. Then a savior-like figure started to make an impact on Jaguar, the name of that man was Ian Callum.

In 2006, he set the foundations for a whole new design bearing for Jaguars with the new XK, but wasn't until 2008 when the XF was released that one could really imagine what the next XJ would be like. The XF broke away from the incessant pandering to foreign markets who believed that a Jaguar should look good outside a country mansion; on the contrary, an XFR would positively disturb the old fashioned chic of a Devon Country House. The chrome air intakes alone would scare away foxes and other such cannon fodder for landed gentry.

This doesn't mean however that Mr Callum stuck the XF blueprints in the photocoppier and set it to 125% enlarge to design the new XJ. Oh no no, not at all... we need to look at the C-FX from 2007 to see where his inspiration has come from. When the XF came out, people were very angry (and rightly so) that it sported a sort of inflated, out of proportion representation of the C-FX's headlights. Thankfully the XJ has rectified it, sporting a focused front end that finally, and mercifully, does away with the dual lights of old.

For some reason, unknown to me, manufacturers have started to put large, prominent grilles on their flagship vehicle. Most recent evidence of this is the new BMW 7-series that has abnormally large kidney grilles standing proud of the headlights. Jaguar have seemed to adopt this same effect, which at some angles, namely at a 3/4 front view, make it look a little bloated. In fact, this car is somewhat of a phallic symbol; the size of V8s don't matter now, it's all about how big it's grille is.

The back of the car is more disappointing, not displaying the sort of taut rear end I was hoping for (rawr). Instead, the XF seems to have a curvy version of the Lancia Thesis' backside, which, unfortunately, doesn't gel with the front of the car. Little could be said of the side profile either, though the window frames give the car a much more organic look compared to a Germanic creation.

Aforementioned foibles quickly vaporise the moment one looks at the interior. Never, ever have I seen such a welcoming interior, with a peerless design. The closest thing I can get to describing it is that of a Riva yacht, mixed with a Sunseeker, it is that different. There is

an arc that curves from the door sills along the dashboard, which smacks of a V8

powerboat, not a car. It is of course conditional; the colour options are critical to getting the interior to look its best: the leather needs to be Parchment Semi Aniline with an upper fascia that is Bordeaux tipped with embossing, the headliner being Parchment as well. Match that with satin Zebrano, and quite possibly the most exquisite interior is made. Manly LEDs light up the instruments and various switchgear that act as expensive trinketry, all of which carefully skirt around the brash or uncouth side of the design spectrum.

This is a monumental leap forward for the Jaguar XJ, with a design that slots neatly into the 21st century, instead of sitting awkwardly like the old one. There are a few things to remember though: always approach the car head on, that's where it looks the best. Don't buy it in green, or there is a chance the justice police will convict you of crimes against design. Thirdly, only get the interior in the aforementioned colour scheme. Oh, and get the supercharged V8.

Roman

Learning to Drive: Clutch bite and roundabouts

2009-07-14T13:00:00.000-07:00

Ok well it's been a while since I last posted, so I think it's a good time to talk about how far I've come with my driving lessons. Now, the clutch on a manual (or stick shift.. yuk!) is something that to me, is an arcane and somewhat cantankerous piece of engineering that should have been engineered out of existence about 50 years ago. So why is it still here, in this age of the anodised aluminium unibody Macbook Pros and high definition OLED televisions? It all comes down to the E word... the Environment.

The majority of automatic gearboxes produce more carbon dioxide than the equivalent manual variant. This is of course forgetting the magic DSG gearboxes that have two clutches, but they cost many monies. The reason (non double clutch) automatics haven't found their way into all cars is because they can sap the power of the engine, making the 0-60 time higher. Also, automatics aren't as efficient at handling the engine's power, so economy drops too. Basically, automatics should be avoided if possible (except the Jaguar XKR's ZF box).

So, unless you are very lazy or otherwise impaired, I'd suggest you learn manual. Well, atleast, that was my view until I started driving. It has taken weeks and weeks and weeks before finally managing to get the car moving off without it grumbling horribly. If you haven't driven, you probably won't know what clutch bite is, also, if you are a fairly experienced driver you too probably also don't know what I'm on about, since your foot automatically finds it out of muscle memory. It is that point in the clutch's travel where moving it any further would initiate the much enjoyed pastime of driving.

Clutch bite is a bit of a pain when you have to consciously think about it, and it can become nigh on impossible to find it quickly if you grip the wheel too tight. My previous lesson was all about junctions on a gradient, so for example when pulling out into a main road from a side road on a hill. This requires finding the clutch bite so that the car doesn't roll back. You'd think pressing the foot brake would suffice, but once you get your foot on that pedal, it's going to be really hard to re-find the clutch bite and move over to accelerator when you see a gap.

I am also working on my roundabout skills. These hideous creations still scare me, and I think the hardest part is spotting when it is safe to pull out, and having to make the decision as to whether or not one can pull out. It can be very tricky especially when cars don't indicate.

Roman

Grand Cherokee: The car that killed the polar bears

2009-06-29T13:17:00.000-07:00

I wouldn't consider myself an environmentalist, I like fast petrol eating hypercars which churn out tonnes of carbon dioxide whilst delivering mind blowing power and noise at the same time. The good thing about supercars is that they are driven by a handful of people who have enough money to afford them. The rest of the world drive family cars which have smaller eco-friendly engines - its true, the next time you pop the bonnet of your vauxhall, ford or volkwagon have a look at the plastic writing on the engine cover; whether its an eco-tec, eco-trash, eco-cacola engine, its still eco. What really makes me go all green and environmental is when big tasteless cars have V8 engines fitted for no performance purpose whatsoever.

A few years back the sensible nations got together and came up with the Kyoto agreement which planned to cut CO2 levels and help cure climate change. A slight setback was America's refusal to sign it. This meant no matter how hard we insignificant Europeans try making small battery powered cars, the Americans would carry one driving their V8 Jeep Grand Cherokees. Over 1,5 million Jeep Grand Cherokees were sold in the nineties. One kilogram of Carbon dioxide is excreted into the atmosphere for every 3.5-ish km driven in a Grand Cherokee.

Enough said on the emissions rant, In my opinion and whilst being entirely honest, this car is as aesthetically pleasing as camel's excrement. At least camel excrement is a bit more aerodynamic than the Jeep and actually experiences off road terrain. The Grand Cherokee became the family car for the all American nuclear family; a bit like our Chelsea tractors but more hideous worse for the environment. In terms of technology Jeep tried to use some, and then failed; the displays are the typical green light LCD displays from an old VCR. Unfortunately for Jeep they all work, especially the MPG display. A normal pedal to the metal accelleration from 10 to 40mph suddenly dropped the MPG from 18 to 5! Yes, five miles per gallon at fourty miles per hour. The nineties model as tested has a petrol tank of 23 gallons. In plain English that means the car will run out of fuel in 4.6 miles on full throttle. The problem with going full throttle is that you dont experience any driving thrill; as a passenger I heard the feeble V8 belch out a couple of roars and then give up, it didn't feel as thrilling as the sound of a nice British Land Rover V8. The ride was wobbly to say the least but the bright yellow or "tan" seats cushioned a bit of the journey. I associate tan leather as the sort of complementary furnishing to a classic Alfa Romeo Spider or a Ferrari 250 California both of these cars came in red, not the colour grizzly bear hunter's trousers. In terms of bottom space, the Jeep has five seats, not the seven found in a Landy Disco. From a young driver's perspective this car is not only ridiculously expensive to run and to insure but probably a pain to park nicely. If you find yourself with insufficient parking space you could do what some irresponsible and ignorant drivers do and just make room with the nudge bars or failing that park on top of the other smaller vehicles.

I will honestly try to find some good points to this car. Firstly and lastly the alloys are shiny and chromed so its as they say in the hood: bling. If you are one of the unfortunate people to own such a monstrosity and it is over 10 years old, take it to your local car dealership and get it scrapped, and buy any new car, even a Daihatsu or a Hyundai will dramatically reduce the amount of CO2 released. After all, the Grand Cherokee was voted the worst green car by www.whatgreencar.com and that decision wasn't made by looking at the paintwork. So if there are any Americans reading this, I ask you to go out there and buy a FIAT engined Jeep/Chrysler/Dodge not just because the money will help boost the global economy, nor that it will help keep the jobs of thousands of workers, but because you will be reducing your impact on climate change.

Obituary: Honda s2000

2009-06-15T08:41:00.000-07:00

Production of what was possibly the greatest sports convertible of all time has finally ended. What makes a 2 seater Honda such a good car? I hear you ask. The s2000 has all of the key ingredients that make up the toffee sponge cake that is convertible motoring.

Historically all the original two seater racing cars were roofless. In fact it was an advantage in Le Mans, where the start used to involve the drivers sprinting from the other side of the track and jumping in their cars.

The rich posers of the 50s and 60s splashed out on soft-top versions of their favourite sports coupes. No convertible bragged about your wealth more than the Ferrari 250 california, they were expensive in the sixties and you have to be sheikh or a successful bbc radio 2 dj to afford one nowadays. Normally there are two problems with buying a convertible; the compromised rigidity of the chassis due to the absense of a strong roof and secondly the sort of people who buy them. Take the Mazda mx-5 for example, a great car, it is fast, rear wheel driven and very reliable. The major problem are the owners - women. This prevented the petrol pumped alpha males from even mentioning them in the pub, male owners lived in fear of someone saying "My wife's got one of those". Car companies started targeting some of their cars at the hair dresser females with a bit of spare cash to splash on a car; take the Ford StreetKa or the the Nissan Micra C+C I could go on but I don't want to risk having a nightmare where I wake up driving one.

Honda got rid of this nonsense by giving the s2000 a menacing look and an exquisite high revving engine with a proper rear wheel drive system for driving pleasure. In its 10 years at the top, the s2000 gave the world Civic Type-R beating performance without the need to look like a boy racer.

The car will be greatly missed by the handful of people who didn't get a chance to order a brand spanking new one. For the sensible car buyers, there are thousands of second hand ones for a fraction of the cost of a new s2000. My advice would be to get a 2004 onward, it has a revised interior and the lights are a bit more modern. Don't worry about performance fading with age, it will still make that wonderful neeeeeaaaaaawwwww noise whatever model you get. However, if you are on the pull and want to attract a partner, don't even think about buying one, in fact you should not be allowed to buy one, the s2000 must remain a driver's car. A driver's car is that bit on the side, the alternative to an everyday family car and an alternative to Botox; after a hard Sunday drive around the countryside, the s2000 will leave a permanent smile on your face.

Learning to Drive

2009-06-05T13:49:00.000-07:00

Learning to drive is something that has been a very long time coming for me, for 17 years (and 9 months if you want to be pedantic) I have been waiting to get behind the wheel of a car and be in control of it. Now that that time has come, I have since had a few lessons, and I feel it is a good time to give you all a rundown of my experiences.

I have been unfortunate enough to get lulled into a false sense of security formed by the continuos playing of Gran Turismo. These are the best games ever made, forget chess and Halo 3, there is nothing more satisfying than beating your best time 'round the Nurburgring in a Golf GTi. However, driving a real car in the real world is literally nothing like playing a slightly outdated but still much loved Gran Turismo 4 game. The first thing that will get you is trying to get into the drivers seat, it is an alien experience. Having stepped into the near side seat for so long, getting into the drvers seat is still a clumsy eperience for me. For some reason there's a steering wheel in my way which I have to negotiate past, and my left leg is unsure of itself, having always relied on the right leg stepping in first.

This is nothing, I repeat nothing compared to the shock you're going to get next. You have to turn to your right to get the seatbelt! Doing the little, subtle and deft shift to the left that allows one to see the seatbelt and therefore grab it was an art which I had mastered over the years, and now I have to go to the right! This is a cruel world I admit, but this is just mean. Here's where things get complicated. Your instructor will tell you to do various things, and you will soon be moving. And, and you've stalled... ok, don't panic. Clutch down, select neutral, restart the car, push down the clutch and go into first. This is the common pitfall with every driver, I tend to stall when I'm doing too many things at once, but as they say, practice makes perfect.

When you're up and running for your first time driving, changing gear will feel like the hardest thing in the world. When I changed gear the first few times, I'd make a hash of it; either letting go of the clutch too quickly, or not balancing the accelerator and the clutch well. As you do this more often, you will start to know what to do. Things gradually become more automatic.

Sooner or later you will approach something called a corner. These are rare, exotic things only really found in Europe, and this is where the great big round thing in front of you comes into play. Turn it to the right, and the car will move right, and well, you get the picture. The thing that you have to learn when steering is that you only need so much of it, depending on your speed and the severity of the corner. This seems obvious, but it will be tricky the first few times. Using the D-pad on a PS2 controller will give you full steering left or full steering right, so nevigating a corner in a game requires pressing the left or right button several times. In a real car, this is not the case. Steering is a smooth, fluid action, which prevents your passengers/driving instructor from vomiting over you.

Some corners are at such an angle that the A pillars will severly inhibit your view of the road. When I first experienced this, I was shocked and awed that after all this time cars have been on the road, not a single manufacturer has successfully brought an end to this problem. The solution is to of course try and look past the pillars, which requires some peering past them. It's not an ideal arrangement, and one which I hope to fix when I design cars.

Of what little reversing I have done, I can tell you that is is horrible and difficult. But then again I haven't done much of it and so I am very inexperienced with it. Junctions are what I am currently practising, and it takes an awful lot of multitasking. You have to start braking, and then the engine starts to grumble, clutch down, all the while looking left and right, palming into first. Use the clutch bite to crawl up to the dashed line, and if all is clear, let go of the clutch and onto the accelerator. You'll want to move into second pretty quickly if you've moved into a main road on the national speed limit.

I have also started doing roundabouts. Ominous and complicated, they are the current bain of my driving life. I can do U-turns, but anything else is still pretty difficult, just for heaven's sake use your mirrors and indicate!

That should be enough for now.

Roman

Road Test - Vauxhall Corsa

2009-06-05T09:36:00.000-07:00

You may have heard that Magna (the company that builds the BMW X3 out of recycled wheeley bins and old tin cans) has bought GM Europe. What Magna could do is get rid of Vauxhall all together and simply sell RHD German built cars in the UK under the Opel brand. So keep hold of your British built Vauxhalls because they could be considered future classics. On the other hand, I consider future classics to be a pointless term, the same context can be easily be applied to so many other worthless hobbies such as stamp collectors; who collect bits of paper in the hope that they'll be worth something in the future. People do collect cars, look at Jay Leno for example, but cars are only worth investing in if they are monumentally rare or amazingly beautiful. A fact that I regret to thinking about is that cars have a purpose, and that sole purpose is transport.

The third variant of the Corsa or the Corsa C as it is technically known, is excellent at getting people from A to B. More importantly, its the getting there part which makes the Corsa an excellent first, second third, fourth.......car. A small engine like the 1.2 doesn't seem to be a problem, the car is nimble, quick and is great to look at. For those of you who are looking for a first car, the Corsa 1.2 is cheap on tax, insurance and petrol. Its predecessor the Corsa B provided an affordable means of turning cars into a training shoe, in particular the kids ones with the flashy lights when you walk. Young people kitted out their motors with bodykits that scraped along the floor, neon lights and played terrible music out of the speakers that replaced the rear seating arrangements. Vauxhall tried to change that with the Corsa C, it doesn't need a bodykit or go-fast stripes, less is more, and the minimalist approach makes the Corsa a really iconic car.

Corsa is Italian for race, which brings a major problem. Now all the ignorant language-deficient people around the world will associate the word Corsa with a popular hatchback. Maserati built the MC12 Corsa supercar, an engineering masterpiece, built of mostly carbon fibre and and using bits from the Enzo. The world's richest of the rich didn't like it, not because you can't see out the back, not because it doesn't go over speed bumps, not because its a race prepared and has no luxuries what so-ever, but simply because they didn't want to drive a car that shares a name with the Chav culture of Great Britain. Names are important, put simply its the same shame faced by the children whose 15 year old parents named them Wazza-Dizzie-Rida-Tinchy-Fabregas. The Corsa has the capabilities of being a propa-chav-wagon, but with a bit of luck you might find one in prisitine showroom condition, perhaps previously owned by an old person who drove it a few times to shops. A low mileage 2002 Corsa can be snapped up for just under £2000 and will last at least another ten years to build up your no claims bonus.

A small part of me does want to tint the windows and maybe improve on the Blaukpunkt cassette player, but all of these changes come as a financial burden; in the form of the insurance quotes. My cousin has kept his car in a factory leaving condition. The Corsa doesn't need a big exhaust, at 20 mph cruising speeds the engine is silent-ish, but step on the throttle and the small engine makes an attempt of being a race car. It has had numerous victories in the Tesco car touring car championships but it's reputation has been let down by the pensioners who pull out in front and then hold up the miles upon miles of traffic.

The new smiley faced D variant is made from some left over parts from the Fiat Grande Punto parts bin, if you really have more than £5000 to spend get a Grande Punto, it looks better and Fiat don't need to give away facially disfigured dolls to sell cars. If you are a learner I wouldn't advise getting a new Corsa, the old one definitely has advantages on looks and is a bit easier to park. It could do with a better suspension, I wouldn't advise driving on bumpy gravel tracks by beaches, but on the road it seems fine and it is narrow enough to fit through the gap between some speed bumps.

Overall it was an enjoyable ride, I'm sure it would have been even more fun to drive, but this is only an assumption as always. In a few months time when I eventually pass my test, I will be able to give a valid and reliable opinion on the handling, until then just assume the Vauxhall Corsa is a good car.

The big 50 for the Mini

2009-05-24T05:45:00.000-07:00

Over 50 years ago the Austin car company were jealous of the bubble car revolution caused by the BMW Isetta and more importantly the Fiat 500, and decided to build their own rival. Just like the cheap knock off cars built today by the Chinese car market, Sir Alec Issigonis took the Fiat 500, got rid of the bubbleness and stuck the engine in the front. I apologise for being biased but I own a Fiat 500, enough said. Just like its predecessor, the Austin 7, the mini was an instant hit around the world.

Minis were made for all sorts of different people; there were Mini vans for builders and bakers, Mini Pick-ups for farmers and Mini Travellers for travellers, but BMC forgot to make a Mini for the larger market - tall people.

If you wanted good fuel consumption and and practicality you bought a Mini and if you wanted to drive all the way to Turin and steal $4 million of gold from Fiat, you bought the Mini Cooper. The Cooper had monumental success in the Monte Carlo rally it's superb handling was due to a lightweight body and enough power to weave through the twisty Alpine roads.

The British public liked the Mini so much they kept making them until 2000- that's 41 years! Despite fitting airbags, some say it was the safety aspects which forced the Mini to end its production in 2000. According to Sir Alec "I don't design my cars to have accidents". There was a slight problem with the crumple zone on impact; it ended up being your face. It was extremely popular amongst celebrities including the Beatles and famously killed T.Rex lead singer Marc Bolan. The Cooper is what really got me into cars, I remember watching the Italian Job with amazement and watching a bunch of cockneys in minuscule but mighty cars jump off roofs and drive through sewage pipes escaping from the Polizia.

Hang on lads, I've got a great idea. This year the Italian Job turns 40 so I thought they could make a sequel set in 2006: Whilst the world watches Italy win the world cup, Fiat fit out the mafia with prototype Abarth 500s and send them to England to steal back the gold. I shall call it "Il lavoro Inglese". I'm sure Holywood will be on the phone any minute now.

I wouldn't say I hate the Mini, I adore the styling, the engine, dare I say it is better than my Fiat 500 because it has one thing Fiat forgot to design - a boot. The Mini spirit lives on in the not so mini BMW Mini. My advise would be to save that £12000 on the BMW and buy yourself a classic Cooper and have some fun. Happy Birthday Mini.

Please note we do not endorse driving through Paris pretending you are a CIA agent with memory problems nor do we promote driving from the roof of your Mini as demonstrated by a Mr Bean.

The Art of British

2009-05-21T21:20:00.000-07:00

I am here to address with you today ladies and gentlemen a question that has been lingering with me for some time.. why the British car industry hasn't got its act together? This of course calls for a few paragraphs of sentimental gazing into the past that was a proud and well oiled British car industry.

Let's choose some highlights, I don't like the whole timeline thing... ehrr, the Rolls Royce Corniche. Quiet possibly the only convertible I would be happy to step into. This car first engrained its authority into my head when I watched Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, with Michael Caine pootling about in it in the South of France.

I recently saw a Bentley Mulliner Flying Spur, and it ferociously dragged my eyes over its panel beaten rear arches, leading in a smooth but strong crease to the front of the car. No other car in this modern age can do that. I can get excited when I see a Lamborghini Gallardo for example; but that's because one sees the sharp angular edges that define the air scoops, and the outlandish angles and surfaces. I know that it's a Lamborghini, and therefore know that it is good. What happened with the Bentley was different, it drew my eyes towards it. I did not know what it was, but I knew it was special. This is a car that does not get motor heads drooling over it, this is a car which the ladies of the Cote d'Azur swoon over. No modern car can do that, not even the latest Bentleys, which have lost their way, being the preserve of the football stars.

I have now come to the inevitable, the impossible black whole that sucks any article even remotely mentioning historic British cars into it. This dark void in space is of course the E-Type effect. Impossibly cool, retro in a non-cliched way, the Jaguar E-Type could never hit 150 mph, it probably leaves trails of carbon dioxide that would make a 4X4 look green, but my God, parked next to a shop window, seated in its armchairs, you will never have a cooler reflection. When you first see one, the first thing you'll notice is how small it is. You'll then realise just how special a car it is. The spoked wheels, the contoured bodywork with chrome detailing that is effective but not in your face, all make this a design ikon. It has been years before jaguar have managed to get that panache back into its models. It is of course the latest Jaguar XKR that has restored the link between power and these Isles. Of course, that's not without a little help from Tata.

In fact, JLR as it is now known is owned not by Ford, but by the Indian Megabusiness. And here is the key to why Jaguar are starting to build world class cars again. Yes, our car industry needs backing by foreign companies, but it needs to be companies that are willing to act like a rich Father spoiling their children. Ford tried to impose its ideals onto Jaguar with disasterous effect. Take the X-Type for example. A horrible car for people who think Jaguar should be kept perpetually in the 1960s.

The only car companies that have managed to go it alone successfully are Caterham, Morgan and Lotus. These are companies with probably some of the best engineers in the world, and all they need is a caring adopter to sky rocket them into Ferrari territory.

Roman

Dream on!

2009-05-13T13:20:00.000-07:00

We don't normally review other blogs at First Gear but http://helpmegetaferrari.blogspot.com/ is an exception. Just like millions of people before him, Marcus has a dream: to own a Ferrari. Since childhood my lifelong ambition has also been to feel the roar of the hand-crafted engine and experience the sheer acceleration and power from the best car in the world: a Ferrari. Alas, I gave up that dream at the age of 9 and topped up my daily Ferrari fix by collecting 1:18 scale models to stare at.

The only way of raising sufficient money to do such a thing would surely be to win the lottery, but this bold, dedicated, passionate (and some may say crazy) fan of the red cars from Maranello has set up a Ferrari fund. Marcus has promised a ride to all the sponsors if he gets enough cash. I honestly take my hat off to him for simply coming up with the idea in the first place; getting other people to cough up thousands of pounds to pay for your Ferrari.

I wish him all the best with his campaign and I hope those of you with some spare cash support his cause. I would have seriously considered copying the idea but there is one minor flaw to his plan; so far Marcus has raised a grand total of $4.63. Only $229995.37 to go!

Austin Seven - the original supermini

2009-04-13T06:31:00.000-07:00

I stumbled upon this gem at a boot fair this morning, except it wasn't some second hand piece of junk and it wasn't for sale. Despite being well over 70 years old this piece of motoring history was parked amongst all the other much younger motors. My childhood memories of Brum; a TV show about the adventures of an anthropomorphic toy model of an Austin Seven came flooding back to me. I wonder if the real car actually makes the iconic creaky noise that Brum made.

That aside, on a factual note: the Austin Seven's simplicity made it cheap and popular, in 17 years of production Austin sold 290,000 Sevens. It's almost as if Sir Herbert Austin foresaw the popularity of the supermini when he designed the Seven. The chasis made way for various different models and it was built under license in the US, France and Germany. The Seven was BMW's first car, who knows what the world would be like without BMW? Another company that made its money rebodying Sevens was run by Sir William Lyons who later founded Jaguar.

The wheels have may have been borrowed from a pram and nowadays you can buy chainsaws with more power but the Seven gave every Tom, Dick and Harry an affordable means of transport. With people trying to save every single penny, a classic car is a great way to save a few quid on insurance and to pay diddly squit on tax. The Austin seven has stood the test of time (well, this one has at least) I wonder whether the modern day equivalent like the Toyota iQ or the Tata Nano for example will last another 70 years? Perhaps the little Austin's lack of power and simplicity is what made survive; low speed impacts obviously don't damage the bodywork significantly and the basic mechanics made it easy to repair. In terms of reliability, I think modern cars need to take a 1920s minimal approach; in theory with less things to go wrong cars will last longer.

With a number of Sevens for sale on a well known auction site in need of minor restoration, a few grand invested in the car that set the standards in modern day motoring will certainly be worth loads more in years to come.

Confessions of a Petrolhead

2009-04-07T13:57:00.000-07:00

I feel it is time to share my reasons for why cars fill up most of my waking thoughts, as it is through one's own experiences and their environment that shapes the feelings and responses they get when they hear a yellow Ferrari 360 making it's unmistakeable baarp as it blips down a gear, before squatting close to its Pirellis and notch into hyperspeed. Personally, I make the noise a teenage girl makes after seeing Zac Efron pass them by on the street.

One of the earliest things I can remember as a young boy was being given a model of a Ferrari. I can't remember what model it was, probably an F40; but it had that Rosso Corsa paint job that links any ferrari I see now adorned in such a colour to a deep sentimentality enforced by my playing with this small toy car. Then I had a tiny green model of a Ferrari 308 GTB which I used to drift around obstacles on the carpet of my room, and for many years I wondered what the bumps at the front of the car were for. I now know they're lights big enough to light up the whole of the Monte Carlo rally.

I have always been able to draw well, and so instead of playing football, I'd pull out my The ultimate history of fast cars book and I would draw, and draw and draw. It was then that I realised what I would have to be when I was older, a car designer. Unfortunately, this was when the 'tuner' bug bit me (this is a condition that affects the majority of petrolheads, unfortunately, it hits most people when they are around 17 and so vandalise what terrible cars they have got with dodgy body kits, badly attached mesh, and poorly tuned exhausts. Fortunately this hit me when I was about 12, so I have had enough time to get over it). I used to be a frequent buyer of tuning magazines, and would dream of taking a standard mondeo, and dressing it up to look like the ST24. Oh happy days...

And then came Gran Turismo and consequently my deep love for Nissan Skylines. I have had a few interesting rides in cars (note: not drives), I have been in a TVR Carbera 4.2, which was a particularly brutal experience, with an engine so rooted to that of a race car's that it could charge to 60 mph in 3.9 seconds. Then there's the Nissan 350Z that was tuned to 500 bhp, and I happened to experience it on a wet track in a drifting challenge. And how could one not mention the Audi RS6...

So, that's why I love cars so much.

Roman

Fiesta - noun 1. Iconic hatchback 2. Party

2009-03-29T14:08:00.000-07:00

Since its birth in 1976, Britain has had a very special relationship with the Fiesta. It was originally designed for the European market and the British models were built in Dagenham, Essex. Older people along with the younger generations had all their needs catered for in a Fiesta; its reasonable boot space and its small size made driving around town very practical and fun. The styling has evolved over the years but the concept of a simple, cheap, everyday, small hatchback is what made it sell in its millions.

It was the Fiesta which created the Essex boy racer culture. They took their moderately inexpensive Fiestas and tuned them to the point of no return, using horrific body kits and huge exhaust back-boxes to modify their rides into what vaguely resembled the cars in Max Power.

The British have something very instinctive inside them which makes the Ford Fiesta the only option available when buying superminis. The popularity and brand loyalty Britain has for the Fiesta can be seen quite clearly on our roads, I'm not Deren Brown but I can assure you the next time you find yourself on a road, at least one of the cars will be a Fiesta (it might even be yours).

The new Fiesta is a trend setter in itself, the kinetic design techniques make it look like its going somewhere even when its parked. Ford have taken time to refine every detail in this car; from the shape of the dashboard to the fuel tank which prevents misfueling and the power-fold mirrors which essentially stops anuses from knocking them off when you park up in town. This is certainly a car for the future and on an environmental note; the engines emit very low emissions which will help stop nasty amounts of CO2 and NOx from turning Margate into an tropical beach resort.

I have personally taken a liking to the new Fiesta an I'm sure 007 would have preferred it over the feeble Ka (especially the Titanium model with all the optional extras). FG rating: 8 Stars

Motorway Supercar spotting!

2009-03-22T03:51:00.000-07:00

Motorway journeys can be boring if like me you aren't the driver. If you don't have the facilities to do anything productive like watch a DVD or sleep why not keep yourself amused by spotting the supercars on your journey. Some tips before you start include; watch both lanes of the motorway at the same time by making the most of both eyes, listen out for deep exhaust notes and once spotted try to take pictures. The great thing about driving in Britain is that people don't respect the supercars who drive behind them, this gives me valuable time to snap a couple of quality shots on my phone. The list of cars I didn't snap yesterday were; a yellow Lamborghini Murciélago, a red Ferrari 308 and and a brand new sliver BMW Alpina B7.

The first surprise was an 09 plate Ferrari f430 Scuderia it looked good, but it was travelling at shamefully slow speeds and didn't have the engine audio quality I was expecting from a car costing £150k +

The real highlight was a Ferrari Testarossa which could be heard before it was seen. The roar of the engine was the motoring equivalent of a sonic boom as the driver floored it and the car disappeared into the distance. So if you want a Ferrari and performance isn't the most important thing, save yourself £100k and get yourself a Testarossa.

I have been to the Ferrari museum in Maranello, it was amazing and I saw some of the world's rarest and most expensive cars. Its all very nice seeing them up close and polished in a museum but you can't beat seeing these thoroughbreds in their natural environment - on tarmac.

Geneva

2009-03-19T13:46:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year again. Men are stumbling about looking rather dazed, they seem a little slow when you speak to them, and they all tend to start talking to themselves if they aren't in someone's company. It's called Shocked-at-unveiling-of-many-sexy-new-cars-at-Geneva-Motorshow-syndrome. I unfortunately have been suffering from this disease for the past week, I even got annoyed and started shouting at a picture of a model that was spoiling the view of the new Lamborghini Murcielago SV. Such is the volatile effect that this motorshow has on poor innocent men throughout the world.

So what are the salient points of the motor show? I hear you ask. Well, let's start with the aforementioned Lambo. This is essentially a beefed up, track ready version of the already track ready LP 640. Is it fast? Well, that's a stupid question. The car is the very definition of the word, which can also be defined by the Ferrari 599xx. I've got to feel sorry for the car though; the pathetic name can't truly muster up the sort of presence the car has. Ferrari has gone about improving the car in an altogether different way to that of Lamborghini though. In the Murcielago, the new bodykit has been tailor made to make the car look more like the Reventon, with abrupt angles and a huge spoiler. Ferrari on the other hand have used a more technical approach, using their racing knowledge to manufacture a car that is less style, but has substance poured all over it.

We now move onto the more luxurious, velvet clad side of the motorshow. That is to say, Aston Martin. Now, I could have a cold, but I think the reason I'm all hot and cold is because of what Aston has done to my senses. Y'see, we all knew that they were going to release the new One-77 out into the wild, and yes, when the fricking cover that had stayed half draped over it for the past couple of motorshows was finally removed, the car was a lot prettier than I had expected. £1 million pretty, No. But the real reason why I have been getting these shivers is because Aston have broken the golden rule of performance car makers. They've gone and made a 4X4; though, if you say to one of their marketing team that it's nothing more than a glorified Range Rover, they'd probably deck you.

So, I've talked about some of the highlights; it's now time time to look at the car who should be kept in the shadows. Let's start with a car that shows as much styling flair and finesse as Noel Edmonds; it is of course the Skoda Yeti. I'm finding it hard to decide which part of the car I should criticise most. Let's start with... oh I don't know? The name. What idiot in the boardroom splurted this drivel out, and what idiots all thought it was a good idea. Now, in general, I am a secret fan of Skodas. I like the fact that you can buy an Octavia vRS for several grand less than a Golf GTI, but Skoda have started to worry me with their new design direction. Which is basically getting a Skoda, and then tacking a great big moustache to the front of it. The rest of the car is devoid of character; even Ford had a go at making its soft-roader stylish with the Kuga.

Sigh, rant over. Bring on Geneva 2010.

Roman

Reincarnation

2009-03-15T09:12:00.000-07:00

With the number of car sales plummeting after the Global recession, the German government came up with a great idea; they buy any car aged nine years or older and give the owner €2500 off any new car. Car sales soared in Germany as the Germans used this opportunity to make huge savings. Car manufacturers in Britain are begging the government here to do the same, but they seem to be worried about the possible cost to them.

Scrapping your car means it will get recycled and the metal and some of the plastics will get made into other cars and wheelie bins. This is great for the environment and helps make people feel good inside. The problem with scrapping a car is that it either ends up being crushed or being taken apart and flogged as parts on eBay. If you feel all the hard work done by the car companies has gone to waste and feel your car deserves a peaceful end, why not take it apart and give your car another life? I came up with an idea after a bit of inspiration from the honourable JC from Top Gear's V8 food blender and the Ford Focus orchestra. Most people don't really have the money to waste on taking apart a new Ford Focus and tuning each body panel to play the chromatic scale or use a perfectly good V8 as a kitchen utensil instead of and engine. I am thinking of the more useful things your old car could be. Why not set yourself a challenge a bit like the scrapheap kind (except you can only use one car). I have assembled a list of money saving uses which are theoretically possible to recreate if you have the time, effort and a scrap car:

The windscreen wiper window cleaner - Why pay a man to clean your windows when you can have water sprayed onto them and have electronic wipers clean them?
The tyre flower bed - Just add compost and seeds
The home security car alarm -Simply rig up the system to a door or a window, it can also be remote activated.
The horn doorbell - much louder than the usual ding dong
Automatic wardrobe lighting - Fix the special switches in your car doors to light up your wardrobe when you open the doors.
The car stereo home sound system - Listen to the football commentary in a way you only get from old factory fitted car radios.
As seen on TG car seat sofa complete with armrest and engine block coffee table
Fed up of those pretty welcome doormats? Just use one from your old car; you'll have 4 to choose from.
Headlamp ceiling lighting - much brighter than those dim energy saving light bulbs, I would recommend bi-xenons.
Glove box storage shelves - simply screw to your wall and enjoy the glove containg facilities.
The enginebay BBQ - As demonstrated by the one and only Ricky Rotvik.
Art - Get a well known artist like Tracey Emin to scribble on the rest of the left over parts and sell it as Modern Art.

First Gear does not accept responsibility for any of your actions influenced by this post, they are simply ideas and we do not endorse attempting them as you may be viewed as an escaped member of Scrapheap Challenge.

Sold: to the geezer with the slick-back hair wearing a leather jacket

2009-03-07T09:29:00.000-08:00

A trip back in time to the 1980s may only seem possible in a Delorean DMC-12 or the Tardis, however if you go down to Paddock Wood car auction house today, you'll be in for a big surprise. From the concrete buildings to the Caf where a healthy menu with options of a Full English or a plate of bacon, fried eggs, sausage, black pudding, mushrooms, beans and toast are available. I would recommend either meal with a bottle of their finest HP. It was while I ate my plat au cholestérol I realised we were surrounded by what could only be described as an Only Fools and Horses lookalike convention. These peculiar gentlemen did this for a living, they are the pilgrims of the car auctions huddled around clutching The Book of the motoring faith; The Glass's Guide to car valuation.

Now to the cars. There were many beautiful Audi A4s up for sale. The one problem with car auctions is the risky business of only being able to inspect the outside. I apologise for another pun, but the prospective owners had their faces glued to windows like a scene from the film Shaun of the Dead, except this time there were no zombies, only Polish, Turkish and Chavs.

You do get a few minutes to see if the car works whilst it is ferried to the auction shed. This gives the sensible people time to check for blown head gaskets, engine noises and bodies in the boot. Car auctions are a great opportunity for people to get a real bargain. However, since most people are keeping their old cars in the hope they'll be worth an extra 50p in six months time, the only real bargains were the damaged repairable cars. Auctioning your old car may seem a profitable option if you fit into one of the following categories: an Audi driving sales rep, a taxi driver or someone who likes to make illegal cut 'n shut vehicles in your spare time.

So is it worth the effort making a journey to your nearest auction room to buy a car that you've only seen for five minutes? No. If only there was a way of auctioning using the internet so we wouldn't have to leave the comfort of our homes to purchase motorcars?

Franco

Car Design

2009-02-16T05:44:00.000-08:00

Today, I feel it is time to talk a little bit more about design of cars. This is very relevant considering that the person who I respect most in the whole industry, Chris Bangle, has decided to jump ship for horizons new. This was the man who made me realise that normal cars could be works of art as much as any Ferrari or Lamborghini is. He is of course, the head designer of BMW. Or he was, until a couple of weeks ago.

But before we delve into the genius of Bangle, lets look at what makes a great car design. To really visualise what I view a great car design to be, you have to think of the iPod. Yes, I know it's not a car, but every designer strives to make function as pure and simple as possible. That's what Jonathan Ive achieved when he designed the iPod. I want to achieve that same design feat with cars, but going about designing such a car is easier said than done.

Every car manufacturer has their own little quirks that set them apart form other manufacturers. Citroen has two chevrons that integrate into the grille design, whilst alfa romeo has the shield front that stands proudly from front of the car, and it is these influences to that pose a problem to the ultimate design of a car. Because the ultimate design of a car would not have these funny fripperies which would spoil the lines of the car.

Designing a car with no immediate tell tale designs would of course be mad, because whatever company to try and sell it to, they would say, where's the thing that makes it unique to my brand. So, designers have to work with these constraints, so, as you can see, achieving perfect form and function is harder than it looks.

Which is where Chris Bangle steps in. Working with the two kidney grill design that is such a stalwart of BMW style, he managed to sculpt a design using his ground breaking flame surface style to create one of the most important cars of the 21st century, the utterly gorgeous 7 series (runs away from the barrage of angry comments). He moved on to restyle the rest of the BMW range, including the prettiest car for under £30k, the BMW Z4. Most importantly however, Bangle's ethos has always been about form and functionality. His 3 series design produces a drag of 0.26 cD, which is phenomenally low for a saloon.

But alas, Bangle has gone from the automotive industry in order to persue different interests. Why, I do not know, but he will be sorely missed. Adrian van Hooydonk, you have high expectations on your shoulders now.

Roman

Engine + Turbo = Fun Fun Fun

2009-02-08T08:44:00.000-08:00

After ten years of doom and gloom the 1.4 T-jet engine has put the Fun back in FIAT. The Bravo is to Fiat what the Focus is to Ford; an all round family car. Its wonderfully curvaceous rear adds elegance to your everyday traffic. Fiat have really worked hard making the diesel and small petrol engines in their range really environmentally friendly, which is nice but the thing everyone secretly craves is power. The best model is obviously the fastest and most powerful - the 1.4 T-Jet 150 sport. The science behind it shows that emissions can be cut by using smaller turbocharged instead of big heavy petrol drinking V6 engines.

The only downside is the engine name "T-Jet", the T stands for Turbocharged, which I feel Fiat are ashamed of. Iconic turbos include the Porsche 911, the Renault 5 Turbo, the Bentley Turbo and various Saab Turbo models. In the eighties and nineties car companies fitted turbochargers to all sorts of vehicles, it gave them huge amounts of power and made them go like feces off a shovel. At the time the word turbo turned into a household brand which subsequently lead to the overuse of the term; things like turbo whisks, and turbo irons and turbo blenders started to appear in every house. Alas, nowadays it is no longer acceptable to associate cars with their gas guzzling sports turbocharged ancestors. The car industry has prevented any association with the word turbo by disguising it as a T, but don't tell a soul - it might cause a drop in car sales.

Back to the Bravo, if you look very carefully you notice the subtle sporty features which include 17" alloys as standard (unlike like Roman's BMW 3 series), twin exhaust pipes and beautiful black leather with red stitched sport seats (a must have extra). Inside it has bluetooth handsfree, and a USB port for data communication between your stereo and your digital media device. The main bad point is the lack of leg room in the back; I suffer from the well known Italian shortness syndrome, but I didn't realise Fiat's target market are passengers who no longer require the usage of their legs (which can be easily removed if you move the front seats far back enough whilst the passengers sit in the rear).

All of that aside, the best thing about the Bravo 1.4 T-jet is is the SPORT button: its the closed thing you'll get to maximum warp on the school run. You simply touch the throttle and after the short calm before the storm*, the steering becomes harder and you are propelled into what seems another dimension. Maybe that was a touch on the enthusiastic side but it does make a boring car journey to the shops seem really fun. If you don't have a family or just don't like the look of the Fiat bravo, more powerful, suped up versions of the 1.4 T-jet are available in the Abarth 500 SS and Alfa Romeo Mi.To.

Stars: 6

*The geeks among you will understand that this momentary pause is called turbo lag, which isn't supposed to be a good thing but its not a Nissan GTR so who cares.

Franco

Snow means.......

2009-02-02T05:03:00.000-08:00

Rally driving! Well you you need a few things before you do attempt to recreate your own Rally of Finland in along your local snow ridden A roads. Only do this if you have all of the following items:

A Finnish man
A snowed over road with corners
An rally car such as the Escort Mk 1:

Happy snow day

From Franco and Roman

The solution to congestion and other inconveniences

2009-01-29T13:53:00.000-08:00

Nowadays the government and most people complain about congestion in our major cities caused by traffic. I went to London the other day by coach, and before you laugh and suggest that coach trips are for the older aged persons in society, I would like to state in my defense it was the cheapest option available. Sure I could have travelled by train which would have been much faster and better for the environment blah blah blah blah, but we are in a recession (its official) so i have every right to be stingy. Money matters aside, travelling by coach or bus is as entertaining as sitting on a tumble dryer for two hours. Whilst on the coach I made many observations to pass the time; congestion is a major problem in London, so Boris and other celebrities with political powers, if you are reading maybe you could take some advice:

1. Bus lanes; these burgundy tarmacked areas take up valuable road space, and the only people using them are Buses and cyclists. Personally I think its a bit dangerous exposing cyclists to the toxic exhaust fumes and putting them at risk of being in a stated of dead if they get hit. Surely if people are to help the environment by giving up their cars, there should at least be a safer alternative.

2. Chelsea Tractors; I'm not going all eco-friendly, but you should all know by now they cause quite a bit of pollution and I believe they are the mechanical equivalent of standing next to a 25 stone man from Margate in the queue for KFC. Just like morbidly obese people, these cars take up a lot of space on the road, they "eat many petrols"*, and could probably cause considerable injuries if a pedestrian was hit by one travelling at 30mph. So why should we let these clinically obese cars travel to and from schools and around the town?

I have in fact driven a Land Rover Discovery (OFF ROAD on private land), and it was mildly amusing therefore I am experienced-ish. Off-roaders used to be a term given to these machines, as the traction created by the four huge wheels driven at the same time by two axels enabled the car to go where no car had gone before; through deserts, mud, mountains and the countryside. Britain needs to banish Chelsea tractors from our cities, we must release the beasts back into the wild, where they will roam free once more amongst the mud, hills and sand dunes. My new 4x4 test for the future consists of 2 things, one four wheel driven vehicle and a race in the style of the Dakar Rally; if you successfully complete the gruelling course you can drive through populated ares at your will. On the other hand if you fail; your car will be banished to the deepest greenest countryside.

3. Scooters are very special to me. They reflect Italian social culture and are often parked side by side for half a mile in every Italian town. Each Italian scooter has its own uniqueness about it, from the "Doctor 46" decals to the upgraded cylinder heads and exhausts which squeeze the most out of those tiny hairdryer noised machines. In Italy scooters give youths a good balance of independence and driving skill. Its a shame Britain doesn't have the same view on scootering. I do recognise that most people consider them deathtraps, but they are a convenient way of cutting congestion in cities. Scooters of the future will run on electric and hybrid driven systems, and have the potential of being very popular on the condition they might sort out hazardous features such as the facial crumple zones. I know the Japanese make their electric wheelchair alternatives to scooters, but what I really want is another Vespa and Lambretta revolution for the 21st century without the lingering scent of two-stroke engine.

4. Pelican crossings are a nightmare for all drivers, they cause huge queues at the most inconvenient of times, no matter where you live. Here's my theory: its not the machines that cause the traffic, its the smart alecs who push the button at the exact moment your car arrives at the lights. I do understand people need to cross roads, but zebra crossings work perfectly well. The frustrating ordeal of queuing for what seems a lifetime, and then finding that someone else wishes to cross the road by the time you get to the lights is just exasperating. Pelican crossings have their good points, they allow blind people to cross roads, which was until 1962 a virtual impossibility in Britain.

I thank you for taking the time and effort in reading this post, if you did not get this far reading the post then you will never find out what the asterisk signifies.

*a quote by Piotr my Polish mechanic

Franco

BMW 318d Review

2009-01-20T10:51:00.000-08:00

I think it's very relevant that franco has posted a blog about his Alfa Romeo below, because I'm about to talk about the polar opposite of his car, the BMW 318d. Why? Because my Dad's just taken delivery of one as his new company car, of course! Now, there are expectations, and there's expectations. Expectations normally regarding a BMW is how well it drives, and how efficient it is; but the BMW went one further than that, it has totally flipped my whole view of cars on to its head. It's not really one specific area of the car that stands out, but in combination, it vanquishes all competition, and yes Franco, that includes your 156.

The moment I saw it, it was dark, the evening was setting, and light rippled over the contoured creases that makes up the shell of the car. With the doors unlocked, LEDs hidden underneath the door handles beamed out, bathing the doors in a bluish light. This was when I knew why a BMW carried certain expectations. The interior flows gracefully, a main arc of silver being the main aesthetic, echoing hints of Germany's Bauhaus past. The dash is uncluttered, and clearly laid out; even the lowliest luddite would be able to tune into radio 1 without a problem. Feeling cold, whilst the driver's in a sweat? No problem, thanks to the dual zone climate control. The biggest plus point of all though is that fact that it has an auxillary port. This headphone jack affair allows you to plug in your iPod (and other "leading" brands of MP3 players) into the car's stereo, so on an early morning listening isn't restricted to Chris Moyles. Hence, the reason why this is such a godsend.

Out on the road, this car comes into its own. I know I can't drive, but in the passenger seat I can definitely feel the G forces of the car, and how the run-flats cling on with monumental grip. Naturally, this being the face lifted BMW 3 series, (you can recognise it by the flame surfaced two front bonnet vertical power lines), and it being the SE version, this car has the 17" alloys which make all the difference to its forbear, which had to do with miserly 16"s. This must have been the one biggest complaint with the 3 series, and I am glad BMW have rectified it.

When the car does lose grip, it does so progressively, in an arc that is as controllable as that of an M3 on a computer game. Ok, so it has 140-odd horsepower, which isn't the most exciting amount, but the pleasure comes in maintaining what speed it has built up through the corners, making full use of its independent link suspension, and shod alloys.

I really can't justify the true greatness of its car, it is perfection. The lights are a particular favourite of mine, the front having the angel lights that give the look of the car an extra garnishing of technological superiority, and the back LED lights that glare out to other drivers, left eating dust in the wake of your hasty progression to some private party.

The bar has just been raised. Once again.

Stars: 10

Roman

Depriciation? Who makes up the rules?

2009-01-19T08:26:00.000-08:00

Take a look at what I can only describe as a stunner. Designed by the great Walter de'Silva who is now in charge of design at V-Dub. The Alfa Romeo 156 offers the ultimate Italian thorough bred experience: style, speed and a harmonious engine note for a fraction of the price. Most of you sceptical people do not appreciate the soul, passion and sophistication an Alfa Romeo brings. Most people overlook the flawless styling with the reliability issues.

I do admit there are some problems with Alfas, but non of which should be impossible to fix in the hands of a mechanic. However sometimes in Britain, it is the mechanic that is the problem. In my opinion it is (my honest opinion has been omitted from this part of the blog) which ruin Alfa's name. In Italy, your bog-standard mechanic can fix any marque, car, lorry,van or motorbike. Lets start at the beginning of the life of an Alfa, you buy it new or second hand for a price you believe is respective for a car in its league. If by a strike of misfortune you have some technical problem, you immediately take it to the trusted dealership to fix. They may spend many hours of your time, money and patience fixing the problem, but you could find (if you are very unlucky) it returns with the same problem. (my honest opinion has been omitted from this part of the blog) . The specialist tools that Alfa make specifically for their cars may prevent your local mechanic who's had forty/forty-five years repairing all sorts of automobiles from even taking off the plastic engine cover. In my opinion if you cannot fork out the money to buy some uniquely shaped screwdrivers and spanners and the original parts you might as well smash the car with a sledge hammer.

I must admit Alfa Romeo's are born as works of art; throughout the ownership of an Alfa you are guaranteed to experience many contrasting emotions.

The Alfa has given my family some great memories, it drove us all the way to the south of Italy and back, which in itself is an achievement. I remember the first time I sat in the body hugging racing seats as we upped the revs as the tuneful exhaust note echoed through my ears; it was a world away from the cough and splutter of our diesel Fiat Tempra.

The reality is that not all cars are valued on individuality, mileage, and specifications, some are immediately slated because they are Alfa Romeos. During the space of around five years you loose almost all of the money you paid for the car my rust-bucket of a Fiat 500 is actually worth more than our 156! I feel that if Alfa Romeo offered the service and quality of their German counterparts, their cars would be worth a lot more in the long run. I also believe that Alfa can no longer put BMW prices on cars which have the mechanical specs of their FIAT siblings, they have the perfect designs, but need to develop unique platforms that are not found in your Average Giorgio's Fiat.

The future for Alfa Romeos must be with a bit more Vorsprung durch Technik.

Franco

Defacing a Mondeo

2009-01-13T13:48:00.000-08:00

Now Europeans have been able to do pretty much everything better than other countries. We have a cultural heritage that America could not compete with, and another area in which we rule is cars. In America, it is deemed impressive if a car can do 20 mpg, whilst here, cars can do 70 mpg with a light foot. But that isn't where my argument really lies, it's more about how the poor people of America have had to put up with cars that look like European cars, that have just driven into a brick wall. The monstrosities that have come out of Ford's and GM's design room really beggars belief, but at least, they haven't made any of our nice European cars ugly in the pursuit to tempt car buyers to buy something economical. Until now.

Ford in America has finally come round to the fact that in Europe, Ford does things a bit (read: significantly) better, so they've essentially copied the Ford Mondeo. But one thing they haven't changed is good ol' American values. Which is of course, making things devoid of any curves. Out goes the sculpeted headlights, in comes in the rectangle ones. Liked the strong shoulder line of the mondeo? Gone. What Ford has done is reckless vandalism.

But alas, the styling of America is gradually leaking into the hearts of designers in europe. Take for example the brand new Toyota Avensis. An unappealing slab of silver boringness. The overly too big front with bulging headlights and oversized grill smacks of dullness, and this is from a company that used to pride itself on innovation.

My advice to Ferrari: DO NOT LET FOOTBALL PLAYERS BUY YOUR CARS

2009-01-09T15:15:00.000-08:00

Nowadays football players are known for their infantile behaviour on and off the pitch. In my opinion I would not be happy selling a masterpiece of machinery to someone with the mental ability of an adolescent. All the hard work the guys back at Maranello did is in theory poured down the drain. It is true that footballers earn enough money a day to buy the whole of Wales, although I like to think of a Ferrari as a priceless object. You buy it because you know its the best a car can be; in terms of performance, beauty, and quality (I'm sure Ferrari like to state this as well). Ferrari has enough evidence to prove that footballers are not capable of driving their cars, such as Ian Wright, Kieron Dyer, and more recently Cristiano Ronaldo who crashed a £200,000 599 GTB . News reported that Ronaldo was unhurt, personally I was more worried about the car to be honest.

RIPieces Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano

Franco

Everything is going to change

2009-01-08T11:17:00.000-08:00

At present, cars are grossly out of place with our future. Our future is one of empty underground oil wells, and years of soaring petrol and diesel prices. That is of course, unless we grow to accept a few fundamental changes to cars, the most apparent of these is the loss of the combustion engine.

Question is, what's going to replace that gaping hole in your engine bay? Every car manufacturer seems to have the answer, but how come they all have a different approach to solving this problem? Toyota was adamant that their Prius was the answer, but to me, a hybrid is just a stop gap to buy more time for Toyota to develop a proper 0 CO2 emission car. Honda on the other hand has taken their search for the clean emissions car of the future in a totally different direction indeed. They're using the most abundant gas in the world, hydrogen, to propel the FCX Clarity, and what's the emissions created? Water. Yep, no evil nasty gasses that'll kill the poor squirrels,and this is probably the future of cars for us. But not yet, oh no. like all things in life, there's a catch.

Hydrogen may be very common, but it loves to pair up with other atoms to form molecules. It's very hard to separate it into it's normal state. So, we need to use huge amounts of energy to pry Hydrogen atoms away from oxygen atoms to get to the hydrogen. So, for the moment at least, hydrogen cars are more wasteful than normal cars. When the hydrogen extraction process is made less energy demanding, then it will no doubt be the next form of car propulsion.

My favourite idea is a bit like what Tesla, the electric Roadster company has in mind. The cars they build are totally electric, and can be charged through the mains. I believe the way to get a truly 0 CO2 emissions car is to charge cars like this using energy produced by wind turbines or hydroelectric stations.

Roman

News: Ford Focus RS

2008-12-23T07:17:00.000-08:00

Time to look at the news, starting with the Ford Focus RS. It'll cost about £25k, have about 300bhp, and it really is one of the most hateful cars I have ever seen in my whole life. I saw the vomit green concept of it back at the 2008 British motor show, and it looked truly amateur. This is a sad thing, as fast fords used to be my one soft spot. Whenever I saw an Escort Cossie' I'd go all weak at the knees. The whale tail spoiler and wide wheel arches made the car fun, and the engine was tuned by the masters, Cosworth. But something has gone recently.

It started with the Ford Fiesta ST, which never had enough power, and looked ridiculous with the optional go faster stripes that ran along the front of it. This time Ford has taken it that bit further though: they've taken a ford focus, festooned it with unattractive accessories, painted it with whatever they had left out of their paint shop and then painted parts of it black to make it look more sporty. Any grown man who drives this car will look juvenile.

But that's just my opinion.

Roman

Notes from a skint Island

2008-12-23T05:30:00.000-08:00

There has never been a better time to buy a car. Dealerships are sinking faster than an Icelandic bank, and they will do anything to grab on to the life raft that is your money. This is why they are cutting costs to reel in more customers, so now is the time to get a bargain. Don't go in and pay the list price like an idiot; try and get at least a 20% discount on whatever you want to buy, and most importantly, research. Forecourt salesmen dream about customers who don't have a clue about what sort of price they should be paying, and don't let yourself be put in a situation where you're being sold something that you don't need.

The real smart buyers should look for second hand deals, and more specifically, private sales. Generally, private sellers are not as clued up on the value of their car compared to a forecout dealer, so bargains are to be had.

Not surprisingly, owners of luxury cars are desperate to get more fuel efficient cars so need to get rid of their gas guzzlers. So look out for larger engined vehicles and you'll be surprised how much they have come down in price. Take for example the Bentley Continental GT. They retail for around £120,000 but one can be snapped up for around £40,000.

Roman

First time cars for the self concious

2008-12-19T14:24:00.000-08:00

It's now my turn to introduce myself, I'm Roman, and I'm one of those people who can't like a car unless it has style. This is probably because I want to be a car designer at some point in the future, so I take my criticism of looks a little more seriously than perhaps I should. Incase you might be wondering, I think the greatest car of all time is the Ferrari 250 GT. Now, I know what you're thinking, in terms of raw facts, this car doesn't stand a chance against... say, a BMW M3, but that's not the point. A BMW M3 has good looks, the power bulge on its bonnet gives it a mean, powerful look; but the Ferrari is the definition of beauty. Few cars of late have come to rival it, with the notable exception of the Alfa Romeo 8C.

So now the big question is, what is the best looking car for first time buyers? Well, I'll split my selection up into three categories: less than £1000, £1000 to £5000 and £5000 to £10000.

Let's start with the sub £1000 cars, and to be honest, this is a hard one. What are the usual suspects? Ford fiestas, Ford Orions and Astras comprise the main bulk of this category. If I wanted to be really honest, all cars in this category are hideous, but, I have spotted a few gems. If you don't mind going for a tatty Mitsubishi FTO, then you'll be cruising in the cheapest ride around which will get peoples heads turning. Ok, maybe a slight exaggeration.

I have a lot more room to manouvre now in the £1000 to £5000 category. The no doubt winner of this sector is the Alfa Romeo GTV. Yes, ok, apart from looks this car has nothing going for it. Chances are you'll end up on the side of the motorway trying to cool the leaking engine that's just gone up in a bloom of smoke. But my god, you'll be the best looking motorist to ever break down on the m4.

This brings me on to my final category for those of you who have very rich parents who happen to own their own insurance companies. Well, some scouring on secondhand car websites have thrown up an unlikely, but indeed very worthy winner. The BMW Z4. Yep, even I didn't know you could snap one up at this sort of price range, but shows what I know doesn't it? Ok, for this sort of car, you're looking at the business end of a 5-10k price range, but hey! we've all got to indulge in life sometimes.

Roman

Me and my Fiat (Fix It Again Tomorrow)

2008-12-19T11:53:00.000-08:00

Hello and welcome to First Gear! My name is Franco (for those of you who didn't read Roman's intro), unfortunately for you I was born with a genetic condition which makes my opinions biased towards all Italian cars.

I own a 1972 Fiat 500, and before you ask, no I cannot drive yet, but nor can the little Fiat as it too has a genetic condition affecting most of its Italian cousins, the R-word; rust. Nowadays people take test drives, discuss the handling and comment on the interior and optional extras, but when buying a classic Italian car you have to compromise those insignificant features and buy it on looks alone.

The truth is that it does not have the consecrated piece of paper that is an MOT. It seems that my original plan of it being fixed in a few months has turned into an endless journey of repairs. Factory fitted accessories on my Lusso (meaning luxury in Italiano) model include reclining seats, complete with matching plastic dashboard with an inbuilt ashtray for the disposal of used cancer sticks, and external chromework which has expired its useby date. It does lack a few things in terms of ICE, such as a radio, amplifier and speakers, but it does have a reading light which is very important for seeing things in the dark. My main aim is to get it working and enjoy the passion of driving around in my rear engined Italian classic. Although my school mates seem to choose to deafen themselves to the sound of Drum and Bass in their ghastly attempts to pimp out their cars with everything under the value of 50p in the Car Styling section of Halfords.