Beauty and the Beast

These two specimens may seem to be completely different breeds of car, but they have both been bought for the same reason; to transport a family plus luggage from Milan to the south of Italy and back. Both cars have similar Fiat derived 1.9 litre turbo diesel engines for fuel economy, and large boot space for stuff. On first impressions the Multipla looks like a pregnant humpback whale, so why on earth does it remain so popular amongst Italian families?

Here's my theory; the interior has been designed like the furniture in a typical Italian family home. Italians love buying intriguing furniture which has been designed to solve problems that no-one has ever needed to solve. Lets start with the cupboards over the sink, they have racks to put plates on so you don't ever need to dry up, wardrobes which open up to reveal beds and draws that open at 45 degrees to hide your shoes. Naturally, the Multipla has none of the above, but it has 6 seats, 3 in the front and 3 in the back, they move all over the place and the back ones can be taken out if you need to convert it into an ugly minivan. The dashboard is the pièce de resistance, it is the result of a manic brainstorm of ideas all combined to form a monstrosity of utilities. It lacks technological gadgets and nice materials and it seems as if a giant plastic R2D2 toy was melted on the dash to form an all in one speedometer/coin holder/radio/fan vent/ switch button thing/gearstick/cup holder. Don't be put off by the randomness, trust me, Fiat have thought this through, take the cup holder for example, it actually holds the cup at a height relative to where most people have their arms, and the gearstick is placed a bit higher up so you don't accidentally touch the person sitting in the middle's leg. There are storage compartments near the windscreen which are perfect for storing maps, now your maps no longer have to live their lives under the front passenger seat, or in the boot or crumpled in a pouch somewhere. To prevent you from ever buying a sat nav the windscreen is angled really inconveniently so the sticky holder clip always falls off. Fiat even put the handbrake lever near the door, so when you get stopped by the Caribinieri for doing handbrake turns in the road you say; "I'm sorry I went to adjust my seat when I grabbed the handbrake, see!" Unfortunately the Multipla is not quite an Abarth 500 SS and it is a bit too wide and slow for the typical Italian near death touring car driving experience, but if you feel a bit crazy and slightly suicidal, feel free to overtake around a corner at the exact moment a lorry is approaching from the opposite direction. Its an adrenaline rush that some Italians can't live without, most people don't even take time to realise what car they're driving, it could be a Panda 4x4, a Seicento, a Stilo or even a Multipla. If you want to survive a bit longer than the Fiat drivers who pull death-defying overtaking maneuvers you need something faster than a Fiat.

That's where this 159 Stationwagon comes into play, its 1.9JTDm engine has been developed using modern technology to produce 150bhp compared to a relatively insignificant 104bhp tractor style engine in the Fiat. Truth be told the Alfa is 10 years younger than the Multipla, and Alfa Romeo engines are always more powerful than the Fiat variants, because they are Alfa Romeos with a racing heritage, they are fast, passionate, beautiful Italian cars. Power aside, the 159 Stationwagon is essentially a stretched version of the Brera - the second most beautiful Alfa ever made. The whole front of the car means business, and you can tell the car is begging for speed, its poised and ready to take whatever the road throws at it. The exterior of the car is spot on, it is the best looking estate I have ever seen, Giugario has designed the rear to give it the curves, menace and elegance of the Brera whilst preventing it from looking like those hearse shaped Volvos. Inside it reminds me all too much of the 156, its a bit cramped in the back, there's the usual chrome effect plastics and the dials are very much the same. Alfa have improved the stereo, and offer sat nav and bluetooth speakerphones, so its no longer the middle ages in terms of technology. I'm still not happy as a passenger I need more legroom in the back, although the Alcantara style seats are a must have, they give you all the aesthetic benefits of leather, but without the slippery dentist's chair experience. Unfortunately the 159 doesn't have the hidden rear door handle which provides me with many a giggle every time an Alfa 156 virgin asks "is this a coupe?" or "where is the door handle?".

Is the 159 experience better than a late face lifted 156? in terms of comfort, probably not, but if you want a good looking car that's fairly reliable buy the 159. In terms of performance you won't be able to beat the new Alfa engines, the new diesels kick out 170bhp, and there's a 1.8 turbo petrol, which delivers an astonishing 200bhp, I expect it to be amazing since the smaller 150bhp 1.4 turbo Fiat Bravo was a pocket rocket. If you have the money get the 1.8 turbo petrol engine, even if its the rubbish interior and tacky alloys, do not let Alfa push you into buying some Eco Turismo 120bhp rubbish, if you want to be Eco-friendly get a Toyota Prius, Alfa Romeos are sports cars, end of. In order for the 159 to really appeal to the Alfa enthusiasts of old and the Audi/BMW drivers, we need a GTA, preferably a V6 turbo with way over 300bhp, lets hope someone sitting in an office in Milan realises they forgot to replace the 156 GTA some time soon.

The question no one has ever needed to ask is which is better the Fiat Multipla or the Alfa 159 station wagon? I can't be the one to answer such a difficult question, but you need to way up the necessities first. If your family consists of 6 people and you want a fast car with adequate boot space, neither the Multipla nor the 159 is right for you, that leaves you with a problem. You can solve this problem buy either sending one child to an orphanage and buying the 159 SW, or get your diesel Multipla's ecu remapped to 140bhp! If however you have a family consisting of five or less people the answer is obvious, go with the looker, the 159. Whilst researching for this post I went onto various Multipla owners forums, and some insane drivers like the looks they get from pedestrians as they drive past in their Multipla. I regret to tell you that look is not in anyway similar to the stares you get from driving an Alfa Romeo, the Multipla stare can only bear resemblance to the stare people give when they see bearded ladies; its not something you see every day and its not pretty. I apologise if I have offended any bearded ladies who drive Fiat Multiplas, your life must be very difficult.